choosing to be tattooed, revisited.

I find it fascinating that in over two years of blogging, primarily about my small daughter, my third most popular post of all time is "On Choosing to be Tattooed." My guess is that a great number of people are curious about my choice to become heavily tattooed and are interested in my reasons for doing so. Tattoos are far more widely accepted in our society than ever before. No longer only for bikers, sailors and carnival attractions; statistics state that currently, one in five Americans has a tattoo. A meaningful phrase on the wrist, or a symbol on the ankle are widely worn by modern women. However, a woman with a large tattoos is still very rare and most often still viewed as taboo.

I had expected to receive numerous glares or comments such as "how could you do that to your body?" I can't even count how many people have come up to me asking who made my tattoos and proclaiming how beautiful and detailed they are. I will never forget the first comment that a stranger made to me in public. On a day trip into Luxembourg City, Marius, Iris and I were sitting on a patio with some friends, having a beer and chatting. An older woman, dressed very well  with white hair and easily in her 70's, passed close by and said directed to me, "votre décoration est très chic. (Your decoration is very chic.)" Caught by surprise, I mumbled a, "merci madame," and proceeded to blush furiously with unexpected delight.

To share a bit more about why my tattoos are so meaningful to me, I'll share the symbolism behind one of them - the one which is yet unfinished and needs color. This piece is a reference to a Cherokee story called The Wolves Within, first shared with me by my grandmother when I was a teenager.

My unfinished thigh piece by artist Sebastian Brade - Germany.

The old wolf on my leg symbolizes the angry wolf, a part of my life full of pain and rage. He wears an eyepiece to symbolize that his way of thinking is flawed. The woman represents the positive wolf of benevolence and empathy. She has grown in character to take human form. She silences the old wolf with her hand as he glares up at her, just as I silence the negativity in my past. However, the woman also wears a sheep's head, or "sheep's clothing." This is a purposeful symbol for questioning and examining my own behavior, motivations and choices. The tattoo represents that idea that I must remember to consider what emotions and pathways I give power to in my life.

While I have received only positive feedback from strangers and friends, I know that many members of my family do not understand why I would ever be tattooed and may even resent me for doing so. In fact, the only negativity I have received was during a recent phone call with my aunt, who told me I was "going to regret doing that when I'm older." Since I respect my aunt, regardless of her occasionally contrasting opinions, I merely responded with "mmhm" and waited for her to move on.

While her comments were a bit hurtful, unsolicited as they were, they certainly do nothing to sway my appreciation for tattooing. After spending countless years hating my body and doing irreparable damage to it, I can say that I find my body beautiful. I am proud of the fact that I am no longer afraid to be myself.  I put the things that I love on my body, and each piece has very deep personal meaning. The ink may fade and distort with age, but the representation of important things in my life will always remain. 

little things.

One of my favorite little things to enjoy is my morning toast. Freshly baked bread, slightly burned and topped with butter and Marmite equals perfection. I'm also proud to say this photo is completely unedited!

The way my husband looks at me. This was taken on our anniversary during our Belgian vacation and is also completely unedited. 

My new work of art is a piece for my sweet baby. I often call her Honey Bunny, Sweet Bunny, or simply Bunny.
I love it so much! Now Iris asks a few times a day "see baby's bunny?" Made by the lovely Lorena Morato.

Matte nail polish - Zoya, Charisma.

A little break in the clouds.

Valentine's sprinkes! 

on choosing to be tattooed.

This is a post that I've been ruminating on for a long while. I've spent many moments at the sink washing dishes, or in the shower, or building block towers with Iris and wondering... what is it that captivates me so much about the art of tattooing?

I remember that as a child, I received the impression that tattoos are disgusting and only trashy and criminal people get them. I remember the raised eyebrows and the noticeable disgust. I remember my father once telling me that he thought about getting a tattoo at one point in his life, but then he saw an old man whose tattoo was just a messy black splotch on his arm. My father thought that it was ugly and said he wouldn't want something like that on his body. I can relate to these points of view, I see why they occur and I don't wrong anyone for feeling opposed to tattoos. However, I do find error in the idea that a human being, a subculture of human beings no less, can be judged as good or bad based solely on their appearance.

If you ask Marius, he will tell you that I have an interest that could almost border on obsession with tattoos - the designs, the styles, the execution. I, myself, have two small ones currently and have made an appointment with a local artist to have my first larger piece done on my arm in November. I know that this is something which will surely disappoint or sadden certain family members. I don't intend to be disrespectful to them, it simply comes down to the fact that I made a commitment to myself. A commitment to free myself from the part of my personality which above all desires approval from those closest to me.

I rarely, if ever, mention my childhood on this blog, as I think it's important to respect my family by not over-sharing. However, I do think it is appropriate to share that until only recently, I felt terrible, agonizing guilt for not being the child that I felt my parents wanted. This guilt created a certain level of self-hatred which trapped me at every turn. It is a self-defeating prophecy for most people, the desire to fulfill others in the hopes that it will fulfill the self. The older I get, the more I realize that I can claim life and existence as my very own; that my happiness is not dependent on those around me but on myself.

Many years ago, my father shared a piece of writing with me about attitude, and how one's attitude dictates life experience as positive or negative. At the time, I was old enough to understand the concept, but I rejected the word "attitude" due to the negative connotations implied. To this day, I prefer referring to this concept as "choosing your perspective."  The more I learned how to choose a positive perspective, the healthier I became as a person and the more I began to understand who I am and who I want to be.

You may think I am getting off the subject of tattoos but in actuality, this is the root of why I no longer have reservations about decorating my body with the things I find beautiful. I am being tattooed now because at 18 years old, I had the wisdom to realize that I lacked the maturity and foresight to choose tattoos that I could grow old with. At almost 25 years old, I feel confident that I have the self-realization and emotional sophistication necessary to make such a decision. I am content with who I am as a person, and the criticism which may come from others has very little significance. As a respected blogger I follow has put it, tattoos are a filter. Someone who would make negative or hurtful comments based on my appearance is likely not someone I would be interested in having in my life anyway.

Tattoos have always held meaning and significance for me, and I no longer feel shame for that. I find it fascinating that they can tell stories, bare someone's soul, or simply be a piece of art to enjoy. I view them as a form of self expression. 

links I love.

This is a well written story about a woman's experience with charity. Definitely made me rethink my perspective. This year, I donated a whole bunch of never-used formula, toothbrushes, toothpaste, other personal care items, and canned tuna fish and pineapple. I'm thinking we can afford to give a little more this year.

Moon and Sable on Etsy. I love the V drop earrings, the lone wolf necklace and the crystal fragments duster earrings!

I adore Modcloth. I've bought all of my clothes in the last year from this store, and love every piece! They sell retro, vintage inspired, indie and overall stylish clothing I haven't seen anywhere else. I'll have to make a "what's in my closet" post some day!

This article talks about how, in my home state of Rhode Island, formula companies are no longer allowed to use hospitals to send samples of formula home with every new mother. Formula will still be given to those who may need or request it, but is no longer given indiscriminately. I hope this gets more mothers and babies off to the best start possible!

I made this Quinoa and Green Olive Stew (without the chicken) last week and it was delicious! I might just make it again today! I've been really getting into using quinoa in my every day cooking, since I have accidentally gone mostly-vegetarian since Marius left.

Rhythm & Ritual is a blog I stumbled across at some point recently and I found it really interesting to scroll through.Very inspiring images. 

I look for a lot of my tattoo inspiration here. A lot of it is not my style, but it's still fun to browse! I have two small tattoos currently - the first was on my lower stomach when I was 19 and the second a symbol on my inner wrist a few years ago. I have been planning a few larger pieces for several years now. When we get to Germany, Marius and I are definitely planning on actively pursuing getting tattooed some more. He's got three right now, one of which is a piece covering most of his back. Here is one of my favorite artists in the US, Thomas Hooper!