iris says.

There's a horrible burning smell coming from outside.

 Iris: "YUCK what IS that??"

Me: "It smells like something is burning."

Iris: "Oh. Well. Maybe it's our neighbors house."

the cherry tree.

When we first moved into our home, our landlady told us we had an apple, plum and cherry tree in our yard. She said they only bear a great harvest every two or three years. Boy, was she right! Last year, our cherry tree was slim picking, and by the time we realized the cherries were fully ripe, the birds had stolen much of the fruit. 

This year, however, it was impossible not to notice the cherries. They are bright fire-engine red and there are TONS of them. Together with our friends, we have been picking buckets full and snacking on them for three days and there is still no shortage! We also have wild strawberries peppering our yard - a delicious treat! 

Here are the pictures I took of Iris picking cherries last year!

another deployment.

Our little family has been adjusting to life without Marius at home. This past Monday, Marius left for a six month deployment to Kosovo. Iris is adapting very well so far. I told her that when Papa gets home she will be much bigger and taller, which gave her something positive to reflect on. Since he left, she often cries out with a bright smile, "Mama! My head is bigger! And my nose a little and my feet! I'm THIS tall! And Papa will see me!" She snuggles her Papa doll every night and she understands about how Papa has gone to work for a very long time.

The last time Marius deployed was about two and a half years ago, when Iris was little more than a baby. See how little she was?? It has only been a few days, but I am still impressed with how well she is adapting. I've started implementing a new daily schedule for the two of us, which includes daily homeschooling and working out and weekly movie or out-to-dinner night together. 

Our location makes my living without driving very simple. We are able to shop, go to a park, go hiking, go out to dinner, and take a train - all with just a walk down the road. Along with the support of our wonderful friends here, I feel this deployment will be the easiest yet.

Any friends or family who would like Marius' current address, please let one of us know!

the end of breastfeeding.

It's been about four months since I gently weaned Iris, and she gave up nursing much more easily than I ever imagined. Although I was ready to stop breastfeeding by the time she turned two, I do find myself missing the connection and closeness that nursing gave us. I haven't spoken much about the weaning experience because honestly, it's just too personal.

It's been about four months since I gently weaned Iris, but she still occasionally puts her hand to my chest and lovingly coos "oh, my memes." Sometimes, she scrunches up her face and sulks for a few moments, staring at my shirt and mumbling, "memes go nigh-nigh."

It's been about four months since I gently weaned Iris, yet she has still begun nursing her own baby doll. She makes her baby cry "waaah!" and responds, "okay okay, come have some memes baby. Okay no juice. Okay time to go nigh-nigh, more memes."

It's been about four months since I gently weaned Iris, but nursing goes on.

2 years, 2 months.

My baby, the holidays have been particularly exciting for you this year. You've made your very first snowman with Papa, tasted the flaky chill of snow and added decorations to our little Christmas tree. You love to watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, read your 12 Days of Christmas book and open the little doors of your Playmobile advent calendar each morning. You refer to all Christmas trees and decorations as "Kissmass Stuff!" and you all but lust after cranberry sauce and egg nog. I have to lure you inside from playing in the snow to warm up with "hot chockatea wif keem" (hot chocolate with whipped cream).

You've also become quite the comedian in the last few months. For one thing, you've taken to mimicking your best friend's laughter, which you are completely aware of and find hilarious. After a recent play date with one of our pregnant mommy friends, you came home poking at your tummy and pushing it out as far as you could, exclaiming "I'm a BIG tummy!!" One of the first times I gave you a cup of eggnog - you sipped and sipped until it was all gone, then pulled the cup away from your face slowly. Looking shocked, you shouted into the empty cup, "Oh Egg Nog! Come back! Come back!" While reading one of your word books, I was teaching you what a jellyfish is... when you exclaimed, "ohh Mama! A jelly-shit!" I about died laughing.

On another note, we fully weaned from breastfeeding a couple of weeks after your second birthday. After slowly cutting down the nursing sessions, night-weaning and reaching my goal of two years, you almost effortlessly accepted that my milk was "going nigh-nigh" for good. However, when we're snuggling together on the couch or you're watching me get dressed in the morning, you will occasionally ask me to pick you up. Then you'll pat my chest gently, and with a very matter of fact tone remind us both that "memes go nigh-nigh." And then, you go on with your day, perfectly happy to drink from your cup and simply cuddle with me. Weaning seems to have helped you grow closer to your Papa as well, which I know he appreciates very much.

You are very perceptive of emotions and fully recognize happy, sad, grumpy and tired. You often voice your own emotions, muttering "I'm sad" or "I'm grumpy" when I've told you something you dislike. A few days ago while we were at the market, you most uncharacteristically refused to listen to a word I said and kept running away from me. As we were leaving, you ran back into the market and I had to chase after you and grab you. I scolded you a bit outside the market, though you didn't cry as I think you knew you'd done something unacceptable. We talked about how "you're a good girl, but we need to work on your listening." You told me you were sad and grumpy and after a few minutes of walking and discussion, you sighed slowly and said, "okay, I'm sorry. I'm happy now." I feel that much of what is considered to be "terrible" two year old behavior has been curbed by honest discussion of emotions. I try to remind myself often that children learn by example, so I do my best to model stillness and empathy. Letting go of the reactive behavior I was programmed to create has been a long journey down a path I will continue to walk, probably for the rest of this life.

My little bunny, you are such a loving child. Our friends are constantly reminding us of what a pleasure it is for them to be around you. You've fallen in love with your best friend's mama; you're constantly wanting to show your affection to her, to Mama and Papa, and to all of your animals too. You've taken to bringing your hard plastic Schleich animals to bed with you. How you sleep through rolling over their hard little plastic figures I will never know! You mimic the way I put you to sleep at night with your animals. After our bedtime routine is over, I give you All The Kisses before you go to sleep. When I sit next to the bed to let you drift off, you give your animals All The Kisses too, repeating "Okay one more All The Kisses and then time to go nigh-nigh. Muah! Muah!" Your pretend play as really taken off and you recreate stories we read and movies we watch with your toys. You love to make art with glue and sparkles, and you are simply thriving in our homeschooling pre-school environment. 

You've grown into such a beautiful little person and you are so, so very loved.

two years old.

Happy Birthday, my sweet two year old! You are now speaking in clear sentences, pairing them together into a form that borders on actual conversation. You often mimic words and phrases that we use, which forces us to be far more conscious of what comes out of our mouths! Your memory has become quite remarkable and I will not be surprised if your first memories for the future have already been formed. 

Your two new favorite foods are spicy chili with cornbread and pomegranate seeds. Every morning you ask for "cheery wif milk, mama?" - cheerios with milk. You also have a bit of an obsession with yogurt, and we've had to put our foot down about trying everything on your plate and eating a decent amount of something you like before you're allowed a yogurt for dessert. We have now decreased our nursing sessions to no more than four in a 24 hour period as I slowly and respectfully wean you. The last two years of breastfeeding has been a wonderful (and at times furious) experience that I have enjoyed fully. I have quite mixed feelings about the idea of weaning you, though I am convinced that it is the right time. You are still fully night-weaned and sleeping for up to nine hours at a time, which is glorious! 

Our weekly homeschooling group has been so beneficial to you since we started a few weeks ago. We meet with your three new friends once a week and do all sorts of different activities based on a letter of the day. We do singing, dancing, crafts, reading, sensory activities, work on fine motor skills and of course, play! You've gone from being a bit timid and overwhelmed during the visits to being super excited every Monday morning when I remind you, "we're going to school to see your friends today!" 

You are call your friends (sort of) by name now, for example, "come here friend!" In the morning you exclaim, "good morning!" You are all about words and phrases and are constantly chattering and conversing. You have most of your books memorized now and love to read along with me and finish dramatic sentences. You are also able to answer somewhat abstract questions like, "What do we need to do when someone is sleeping? We have to be very...?" And you put your finger to your lips and whisper, "quiet." 

Another aspect of life with you lately is the observation of your ever broadening empathy. The first time we watched Bambi together, we talked about death. A little sooner than I was expecting, to be honest! When Bambi's mother is invisibly shot during an emotionally turbulent scene, talking about what happened to her is rather obligatory in my opinion. Especially for you, since you are so sensitive to the emotions of others. When Bambi calls out for his mother in the snow, crying and looking for her - you became very intense and touched by Bambi's confusion and sadness. We talked about how his mother got shot by a hunter, that she died and it's so sad that she can't be with him any more. You seemed to grasp some rudimentary understanding, and you cheered up after our talk.  

Then, weeks later, you were watching The Lion King while I took a shower. When I returned to the living room, the film was playing the aftermath of the death of Simba's father. You looked as though you were ready to burst out crying and cried out, "Papa fall down! Die! Oh no!" So, we hugged and talked about how sad it was that he was gone. Both your intuition and compassion astound me, my love. 

I really dislike the term "the terrible twos" because as much as being a parent can be frustrating, it is far more furiously beautiful to watch you blossom into who you are becoming. The persuasion of your deep emotional tides occasionally overwhelms us all. But you make life more real; more explosively worth living and growing ourselves, as you remind us of the vastness of what it means to be human.

We love you.

twenty-three months.

Baby, you are now officially sleeping through the night! This is big news, considering the sleep deprivation of the last two years. We had a little bout of regression when you learned that coming out of your room and crying for me would get me out of bed to nurse you. Since we already knew for a fact that you could put yourself back to sleep without me, we decided a little nudge in the right direction was appropriate, considering your age. A few nights ago, we adjusted the baby monitor, made sure your best animal friends Bird, Baah and Pooh were close by, and closed your door for the night. You cried for a few minutes on the first night when you woke at 2am, realizing that you couldn't go to the top of the stairs to call for me. I got out of bed and almost went in to see you, as I don't believe in allowing children to "cry it out," but you settled down quickly and had a nice long conversation with your animals before falling back to sleep on your own! Now, you are going to sleep at 9pm and sleeping for up to 12 hours!

Aside from learning to soothe yourself to sleep, you're trying out all sorts of other new things too! You had your first experience swinging on a real swing recently, during our town's Oktoberfest. After a few minutes of help and practice, you were able to hold on all by yourself while we pushed you gently. As you swung, you learned to say, "no baby - big girl!" You can buckle yourself in your kitchen chair. You can put on your own socks, slippers, sandals, and sometimes pants. You really enjoy choosing your own clothes to wear, an activity which generally ends with you running around with three layers of clothing on. You still haven't gone through the "I want to be naked" phase, nor do you try to take off your diaper. Your favorite thing to wear is pajamas, particularly your silky Elmo ones.  

I've had a pretty bad case of seasonal allergies lately and you've been very sensitive to my well-being, asking "you okay?" every time I blow my nose. You've been feeling a bit under the weather yourself, now that your 2nd year molars are making their way in. Regardless of that, you are still eating quite a lot and nursing a bit less than in the past. We recently discovered that you love pomegranate seeds, and you ask for a "taste?" of new things. Your other current favorite foods include cheese and bean quesadillas and apple cinnamon cheerios with milk.

Lately, I've been trying to involve you more in the process of cooking. If I ask whether you'd like to sit in your chair and help me chop vegetables, you squeal with glee and run for the kitchen. We play music and you sit there watching me chop, naming vegetables and asking for tastes of them. Last night, you did a great job helping me rinse thinly sliced leeks in a bowl of water. Since we're on the topic of kitchens - you are now taking the full initiative to clean messes that you notice such as crumbs or spills all by yourself with a dish towel from the kitchen. You also love to haul the big broom out to sweep things about on the floor. After flies started to frequent our house in the summer, you quickly learned, "shoo fly!" and how to whack at them with a towel. 

Last night, you shocked me when you decided that you were ready to sit on your potty. I have been asking whether you'd like to sit on it every time before bath time, and you've always been adamant about saying, "noooo..." Last night you sat on it for several minutes, not wanting to get off as you tried to make peepee. I am tempted to start helping you learn to use the potty (by the way, I really dislike the term potty "training"), though I am hesitant considering that your little body is already adjusting to a new sleeping pattern right now. 

It's worth mentioning that your favorite things to watch are "Mowgli!" and "Lil Beah!" (The Jungle Book and the show Little Bear.) You are now so in tune with the world that you find things in the movies hilarious and you act out animal noises and sing along with the songs. You are also really enjoying our art and sensory projects that involve coloring, gluing, sorting and more. When we start the weekly homeschooling preschool we've planned with our new friends here in Germany, I just know you will love it! You get so excited about a "fwriend" coming over for a play-date, so I can only imagine the level your enthusiasm when we start getting together with four of them at once!

The last few weeks have been so full of your bright energy and smiles. It seems that so often these days, you do or say something new that causes your Papa and I look at each other with proud smiles, as we share in the experience of your growing. We love you.

love.

Sometimes I look back through my blog at all the old photos and descriptions of Iris and I quickly become teary eyed. 

My little baby has grown up and oh, so quickly it has all gone by. 

I wish I could hold the tiny, helpless kitten that was my newborn, one more time, 

to savor her scent and the way her little squirms against me made my heart so full to bursting with new love. 

I wish I could hear her soft coos, fresh and breathy against my ear, 

as now they've become echoes to strain for in my memory. 

I hope I never forget those first moments, weeks, months - I hope I don't forget the ones currently unfolding. 

I wonder - what Iris will be thinking, when she sees this many years from now? 

No matter what happens in the future, will she see how much I loved, love and will love her?

I hope so, my sweet baby.

I do love you.

Ready to go for a walk with her seals. 

twenty-two months.

I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but some time between last month and this one, something shifted within you. You are starting to firmly grasp independence, really taking chances on your own by initiating change. 

Thus far in your life, you have seemed to be more intellectual than physical. While other kids your age run around, getting into everything, you prefer to watch and talk about what you're observing. Now that you are becoming more interested in socializing, you're taking more chances and stepping outside of your usual comfort zone. At a squadron picnic this weekend, there was a bouncy castle. You screamed with joy - "TOY!" while laughing and pointing at the other kids "BOUNCE!" You wanted to try, so we took your shoes off and placed you on the edge of the castle... but the first two times we tried, you got scared and immediately asked to get down. It was apparent that you still really wanted to try. The third time, you connected with another toddler who was throwing herself joyfully around on the bouncy castle and you joined her, tentatively at first. By the time we left you were bouncing around all by yourself. 

On top of this new breaking of your old boundaries, you are further amazing us with full sentences. For example, the other day you patted my arm and told me "it'll be okay," as a loud motorcycle went by us. You are asking for specific food items that you want, such as "cheese and bread?" We usually walk to the market together every few days, and you excitedly name the fruits and veggies in the product section, "carrot! apple! tomato! pepper!" while also saying "hi!" to everyone we pass. You've also got remarkable manners for your age, demonstrated by your energetic "thank-you!!!" every time one of your needs or wants is met. You are also learning to say "please" when asking for something. When you want one of us to do something for you, you push our legs in the direction you want while commanding, "go!" or "come!"

Your favorite foods at home are yogurt, oatmeal and waffles. When we go grocery shopping, you know to ask for your other favorite foods - "a yummy?!" I usually buy you a little treat to keep you entertained while I shop, such as a carton of raspberries or a little chocolate pastry. You enjoy lounging on the beanbag in your play area while talking to your stuffed animals. You've learned to simultaneously run across the lawn and kick your ball while exclaiming, "kick it!" We draw with chalk on the patio almost daily, and you tell me that you're drawing "blub blub" (fish) or "meow" (cats), even adding recognizable little details such as eyes and whiskers. When you want a change of scenery, you will ask to "go room?" to play upstairs in your room. 

You have also learned to tell your first knock knock joke! You say, "knock knock!" and we reply "who's there?" You throw your arms open wide and say "...a little baby!!" Your newest word obsessions are pointing to an insect and saying, "a bee!" or "a fly!" and you shoo it away. You have also started being a copy-cat for language, repeating things that we say like "not cool!"

The most illustrative and surprising change, is your own decision to night-wean. Since your birth, you have woken multiple times a night for me to nurse you. I would go to bed with your Papa, and you'd wake me crying not long after. I would spend the rest of the night in your bed with you, and I so enjoyed those nights we spent snuggling. You whimpered and nuzzled me a few times every night, until your need for milk and comfort was met, and you would fall back asleep. The last two nights, instead of crying out for me to come to your room for milk, you took a different route. You found your ladybug nightlight, turned on her soft light and fell back to sleep all by yourself. Without me. Without milk. 

I got the first full nights of sleep I've had in two years - except for when I abruptly woke up wondering how I could possibly still be in my own bed! The first night, your Papa and I jumped up to make sure you were okay.... and there you were curled up in bed, bathed in a blue glow and fast asleep. I never imagined you would give up your nightly feedings and cosleeping so easily, that you would transition so beautifully. This is truly an example of my belief that children will hit milestones when they are ready. I have been so patient, and this reward is more than I could ever have asked for. 

I am so very proud of you.

twenty-one months.

My baby, you are talking up a storm these days! Not only are you now putting small sentences together, you are also beginning to understand the concept of emotions. Remember when you scraped your knee a few weeks ago? You will now point to the little pink scar and say, "all better... happy!" Your use of the word "no," has been toned down quite a lot. If we ask you a question such as, "are you hungry?" you will respond positively with, "hungee, okay!" You are even remembering the lines from certain books, your favorite being "Oh Kiiittyyy, where aaare you??" You are also making observations about the world, for example when it rains you'll look outside and say "all wet!"

You are becoming more adept at actually listening and responding to reason. While we try to convince you to do something you don't want to do, you will usually listen attentively and after weighing the matter, you'll concede. You grasp the concepts of doing something "first" or "waiting a moment," though patience is still an art you're learning! You almost always say, "thank you" after receiving something that you've asked for. You've learned that "at work" means Papa is away, and that "home" is now a constant place where we live (and also where the Kitty is!)

You've finally hit 22 lbs and 32 inches, which still leaves you in below the 10th percentile for weight and height for your age. However, you have a rather large cranium, which runs in the family! Your favorite food by far is oatmeal of any sort, which you eat a whole bowl of every morning. You've started to hold your utensils more with your fingers, rather than a fist and you've also started experimenting with eating with your hands more often. We've discovered that you adore peas and you're also partial to Schinken (German cured ham.) When we do our weekly shopping at the German grocery store Edeka, the ladies at the deli often offer you slices of meat or cheese which is quickly devoured. 

You love other kids; watching them, waving to them, and crying out "hi boy!" or "hi baby!" You can name all the colors of the rainbow, all of your body parts and even recognize and draw different shapes and types of lines like straight or curved. You can name many different letters of the alphabet and count to five, though you tend to only do that for Papa. You sing along to any song you're familiar with and seem to have a good grasp of the timing of notes and words. You are very happy in our new house in Germany; I can hardly believe how adaptable you are.


Your most favorite thing right now is to be outside, usually playing with your new water table or kicking your bouncy ball. I've also taken up walking with you in the stroller, which you adore. Outside, you are all smiles and laughter. You water the flowers, point out different types of bugs and run gleefully around the lawn and patio. You pick dandelions for Papa and gently run your fingers over the leaves of other plants. We take great pride in watching you grow and learn, my little love. Your gentle and passionate personality is a constant joy.

nineteen - twenty months.

My little love, I am really amazed at how well you have adapted to the changes going on in our lives right now. I believe you were most upset and confused when the movers took all of our belongings, leaving us with an empty apartment. You seemed frightened of our old home then; not comfortable with being by yourself in those empty rooms which used to house your routines and comfort. After a few emotional days, you seemed to accept that everything was different and that we would often be in-and-out of different cars and sleeping in different places. You have adjusted to having only a few toys to play with for now. You've had to watch more movies than we find desirable, but they have also provided a sense of familiarity for you throughout our jumping from place to place.

Oblivious to the whirlwind of change, your development has soared even further skyward.  You have started putting more words together, for example saying "nurse baby!","hi Papa!",  or "bye Meow!" You are fascinated with birds and as you see them streaking overhead, cry out "tweet-tweet!" You know all the parts of your body now and can name most of them. Today, you learned what "ow" really means and how to use the word. We were playing on a paved surface, bouncing your ball, when you fell while running and skinned your little knee. For an hour afterwards, you pointed to it and said "ow!" while crying intermittently. Since I put your pajama pants on for the night, you've luckily forgotten about it. On the bright side, you've also learned what "counting" is and you try your hardest to count to five! You'll hold your fingers up and with a grin say, "one....twooo...free...fou...whee!"

Nowadays, you love swinging at the park and will even go down slides by yourself! Your pretend play has really taken off too. Before your play kitchen was packed away to be shipped, you would pretend to cook soup in the little wooden pot, then spend twenty minutes pretending to spoon feed us and your stuffed animals. Your stuffed animals all have names that you've given them - most noteable right now are Baah (your lavender stuffed sheep), Pooh (from the books/movies), and Mau (a little mouse in a red dress).  You're also becoming much more interested in other children, not only observing them but interacting with them. After spending a little time with another child, you will willingly give hugs and follow them around, smiling.

You can name the colors: red, orange, yellow, white, green, blue, purple and sometimes black. If I lay out a row of crayons, you can point out specific colors when asked. While we're out and about you often alert us to your favorite color, exclaiming, "more blue, more blue!" You hum almost to the tune of the ABC song and the Ponyo theme song. You're very adept at peeling stickers from their sheet and placing them right where you want them. You know about a quarter of the alphabet now, including the letters O, I, A and P. We taught you last week that "O" is also what's called a circle and after a few demonstrations, you could draw a circle of your own!

You love all types of food, and are usually willing to try just about anything. You love schnitzel, lemonade, pizza (which you've eaten too often on the run, since our busy PCS time began) and eggs. Last night, you devoured three fresh cheese tortellini, a slice of tomato, a big floret of roasted broccoli, half a fingerling potato, two bites of pork chop, three strawberries, four blackberries and a German butter cookie. You like to snack on yogurt, raisins and cinnamon cheerios. If not presented with a fork or spoon with your meal, you will not touch the food until the problem is rectified - you really dislike 'dirty' hands! You also still nurse a few times throughout the day and night. You have grasped the idea of nursing when we first wake up, and then saying "no more mee-mee!" when it's time to go eat breakfast. 

You're very good at sharing your food with us and your stuffed animal friends, and surprisingly, it has only gotten messy when you were given a lollipop at a restaurant. The Germans apparently love to give children candy... in addition to the lollipop, you've tried a little package of gummy bears and I've had to refuse a number of other candy offerings. 

It is truly hard for me to grasp the idea that in just a few short months, you will be two years old. 

eighteen months.

It hasn't been long since my last update about you... but you are learning and growing so fast I can hardly keep up at this point! Already, you can put your own sandals on, hold your arms out to catch a ball and throw a ball with surprising strength for such a little girl. Amazingly, you can point to and say the words "elbow", "knee", "hair," and "toes." Sometimes you confuse elbow and knee, which is truly adorable. When asked, you can point to almost every part of your body. You are learning to say and distinguish between the colors blue, green and red. You have also started recognizing and saying the sounds or names of animals and objects (other than kitties) all on your own. You say "biiiig huuug" while hugging us or your stuffed animals, and exclaiming "pretty!" to describe things that you like. Every time you see a tiger, lion or dinosaur, you "rawr!" with glee. 

You love to eat Chobani yogurt, scrambled eggs with cheese, all types of rice and dark chocolate. If I forget to give you a fork or spoon, you seem rather offended and try to grab mine. Almost every little bit of the food goes in your mouth these days, except for when you're eating rice, which gets sprinkled all over the floor beneath you! And of course, you're still nursing voraciously. Your second bottom molar is finally in and you're now working on the eye teeth! You will only try new foods while sitting in my lap. 

You have started humming and singing when the music of your musical seahorse plays. If we hold out a bubble wand, you can blow the bubbles all by yourself. You've learned to enjoy your weekly manicure (nail clipping), because I say the "This Little Piggy" story about each finger and toe. I've recently started putting your hair into a tiny ponytail that shoots straight up from the top of your head; you love it.  You do the hand motions of Patty Cake all by yourself (the clapping, rolling, patting and "marking with a B"), as well as The Itsy Bitsy Spider.

You have begun showing real interest in dolls now too. You carry your toddler-aged Disney Jasmine doll around the house yelling "doll!", and naming and pointing to her body parts. Yesterday, you even used a tissue to "blow her nose" without any sort of prompting from us! You'll also put your doll in bed, cover her eyes and say "nigh-nigh!" as though to put her to sleep.You dislike swings and touching grass with your hands. You love to play with stickers and dance, especially to anything with a catchy, deep bass line. You are very particular about your likes and dislikes, especially in terms of showing affection, which you do on your own terms. 

Almost every day is something new, exciting and astounding for all of us together as a family. I've loved watching you grow from helpless newborn, to curious infant, to precocious toddler. I look forward to what tomorrow will bring. 

It is such a joy to be your Mama. 

seventeen and a half months.

My little love, your Papa and I have been astounded by your development lately. Your personality shines out more than ever before. You are curious, though still as tentative as you've always been. If you can imagine a sarcastic child, that is you. You are quite serious, but still playful. You certainly do let out peals of laughter when tickled. You delve into activities that require fine motor skills or problem solving, but you will not (yet) run off across the playground by yourself or climb anything other than the couch or a set of stairs. You seem not to like getting dirty (unless it involves smearing food on the table). You are also very observant of people. Once you have stared into their eyes for a time, weighing their intentions, you slowly open up and become more social.

You really enjoy watching youtube videos of animals making noises, and love to imitate all of them. You can meow, woof, neigh, baa, moo, caw, and a whole host of others. Your favorite animal sound is "roar!" You've also taken up a certain high pitch shrieking which is a sound all your own. You can use your words with intention to get your needs met, most notably: more, chair, bye bye, up, back, no and thank you. In the last two days, you've learned to recognize and say the letter "I" and can even pick it out of the group of 26 alphabet magnets on the fridge. 

You can point to almost every part of your body, now including your forehead, cheeks, chin, neck, and knees. You have taken up balance exercises on the edge of the coffee table - you plant your hands on the surface and lean your hips forward on the edge to suspend your legs in the air. Sometimes you'll do this for a good twenty minutes at a time! You can take your own shirts and jackets off (with some squealing and frustration) and you are working on learning to put your own shoes on.

You love to eat roasted asparagus, corned beef, yogurt and snack bars made from a mix of figs, nuts and other fruits. You adore mandarin orange slices, but we think you may have an unfortunate sensitivity to them since your skin has broken out in a bit of a bumpy rash. You are still nursing and love your "memems" as much as ever. You usually want to feed yourself now and have become very adroit with your fork and spoon. 

Your hand-eye coordination has also developed to the point that you can attentively and easily hammer the balls through your "pound and roll tower." You can kick a ball, throw it forward and behind, and you are amazed when we throw it up into the air and catch it. You will tell me when you've gone "poo poo" or have a very wet diaper, and will point to the wipes and lay down for me to change you. You will also tell me if you've made a mess. You'll run to come get me and show me where it is, usually coconut milk on the carpet, and announce, "ohhhh! mee! mee!"

You have started helping me "read" books now, by excitedly starting or finishing sentences with memorized words. Your favorites to read are 'On the Night You Were Born', 'Bear Wants More' and 'The Little Mouse, the Red Ripe Strawberry, and the Big Hungry Bear'. You love to dress up in my clothes while we're folding laundry; you prance around the house with a sly smile as you try not to trip on the draping fabric. You play with the kitty rather roughly these days, and you've received a few swats from him because of it! 

One of your favorite things is when your Papa and I kiss. You will grab one of us in each hand by our shirts or hair and push our faces together over and over, with a look of solemn approval on your face. You do get upset when we hug each other, though - maybe you feel left out or like we could be hurting each other somehow. You've also discovered that when you cover your eyes, you can magically 'disappear' from our sight, and you become quite gleeful at surprising us when you reappear with a "boo!"

You are expressive, sensitive, loving and strong. You engage life with delicate attention to every detail of what you can perceive (which is rather a lot.) You are a joy to behold and we are privileged to be the parents of your unique vision. We love you! 

sixteen months.

You turned sixteen months old on the 10th and oh, how the time has flown! The word "determined" no longer fully describes the intensity with which you dedicate yourself to your desires and ideas. You really are a little girl now, no longer a baby, though I can't help but continue to call you My Baby. I ask you, "who's my baby?" and you still point to yourself gleefully and reply, "baby! baby!"

You are very vocal now, a far cry from the often silent infant you once were. You scream, shriek, howl and use words with joy, frustration, anger and excitement. When you scream, I remind you to "use your words" and you patiently try to communicate to me as clearly as you can with words and gestures. One thing you love is washing your hands. You announce, "ah duhn!" when you are all done with your meal and immediately reach over towards the sink. You whine, "geh duhn!" to tell me you want to get down from your chair. Then, I hold you up and you wash your little hands at the sink, then dry them and wipe your mouth all by yourself!

You love to color with markers and crayons while I'm making dinner. I also finally get kisses from you! When you decide it's time for me to have them, you purse your little lips and run to me. You love to watch me kiss pictures of your Papa and will even grab me by the hair or shoulder to push me at him! You also love music, most especially your new discovery... Elvis. 

You love raisins, chai spiced oatmeal, rice and Annie's mac and cheese. Your favorites are still avocados, strawberries, and coconut and Mama milks. Every morning when you wake up, you have a nice long nursing session while I attempt to doze. When I finally get up, you grab me by the hand and run into the kitchen to pull at the refrigerator door, and ask for your morning drink of kefir. You are now eating pieces of food out of bowl with a spoon, all by yourself. 

You've recently mastered the use of the word, "no" and use it often to declare your thoughts. You've finally learned to "please sit down" on the couch when I ask, and for some reason reply with a, "meeeow!" However, you still think it's funny to make me ask, dozens of times. Speaking of meows, we play with the kitty every day and he is warming up to you more and more, though your loud vocals are not his favorite. He does love when you feed him cheese and pasta!

You say so many different words and do so many new things now, I can't possibly list them all! You become smiley and bashful when anyone blows kisses to you. You especially love when I pretend to bite your hands and feet while you nurse. You like to play with hair clips and headbands (which you prefer to wear as necklaces), and have started showing interest in picking out your own clothes. You're very social and outgoing and while we're walking around outside, you sometimes run after people to say "heyo!" I can hardly believe you are already sixteen months old; you look and act so grown up now. You amaze me, little one. Mama loves you!

15 months.

Three days ago, you turned fifteen months old. You have become so communicative I can hardly believe it! You constantly parrot things that I say or that our friend Ms. Julie says. You often point to yourself, to say "I/me/my" - for example, you point to food, then to your mouth. Speaking of food, you love blueberries, quinoa, butterkase cheese, avocado and blueberry kefir. You are also quite taken with drinking coconut milk from your straw sippy-cup. You drink about a cup a day in addition to nursing, and sometimes even some water on top of that! You still call mama-milk "mememe," which melts my heart.

You still ride in the Ergo on my back, which is perfectly comfortable for both of us. You also love to sit in shopping carts when we're out and about. You can point to almost all of your body parts now, and you know all sorts of different animal sounds. One of your bottom molars has come in and I think the other one will shortly follow. You have started glaring when you don't like or want something and waving your hands about as though to say, "begone from my sight!" I really can't help but smile at your very grown-up emotions.

We've had some issue lately with not listening to Mama when I say to "sit on the couch" and not stand. However, I've come up with a little song about it which helps you listen a bit more often. It goes: "we sit on the couch, we sit on the couch - you put your bum on the couch, you put your bum on the couch!" You are very amused by it too. You also love to pull the DVDs off the shelves, though telling you "those are Papa's, please put them away" can usually deter you. 

I have always allowed you come into the bathroom with me, so that you could learn about the potty from the very start. Your new bathroom routine involves saying "peepee, peepee," setting your potty infront of me and sitting. After a moment, you point to yourself, then to the toilet paper, then... you try to wipe me, and finally put your potty away. So, it seems you've really got the idea, little one! When you poop in your diaper, you run over to me and say "poopoo! poopoo!" You've even started pointing to yourself, then to the clean diapers as though to say, "please change me mama!" I know you will start to really use the potty when you're ready, and until then it's great fun to watch you practice!

You tap your chest and say "buh buh buh!" when you want me to read you a book - and god forbid if I don't read immediately! You'll run off and return with one book at a time, slowly compiling a stack. You climb into my lap with a book to be sure I'm going to read it to you. We read each one over and over - your favorite ones are about Papa. You love to play with the kitty with his toys; he really appreciates that you amuse him rather than torment him! Though you're honestly very gentle with him and he allows you to pet him much more often.Your favorite toy is the play kitchen. You are already engaging in pretend play, which I find pretty amazing. You stir your "speespee" (spaghetti) in the pot, you hold out the spoon for me to taste and you pretend to taste the play food too. 

Not long ago, you were drinking from your sippy cup and offered me a sip - you're so wonderful with sharing. I sipped and you immediately ran over to Papa's photo on the refrigerator and pressed the cup against his face too. I almost cried, you beautiful girl. You also love your Papa doll so much. If I ask you where he is, you run into your room and grab him from beside the bed. You give him big hugs and kiss him on the face! You've started saying "muah!" when you give kisses - but only Papa gets them; no kisses for Mama! At least I get to snuggle up with you at night!

Around bed time when I ask if you're ready for a bath, you always point to yourself and then ask "buboo!?" Bubble!? You love scooping bubbles into your hands for me to blow into the air. I have to comb your hair after baths, as it's starting to get long now. We read a few stories in bed as you lean against me and then nurse to sleep. I say this every month when I write to you, but can't help it - it's amazing to watch you grow and learn! I will always love you, my baby.

14 months.

As we approach the end of 2011, I get a little teary eyed when I think back over the past year and visualize how much you, our little girl, have grown. This time last year, you weren't even rolling over on your own yet.  I would hold you cradled close against my breast, breathing in your sweet baby smell, and getting lost in your deep, dark eyes. I watched you lay in your Papa's arms too, as you quietly observed each other's faces, cooing back and forth.

Now, you'll barely ever stay still, even when you're having milk! You are already so determined and focused on being your own person. I am astounded at how grown up you look and act. You get so excited to run around and interact with everyone and everything. You have even started running off out of my sight when we go for walks outside. I think you know now that I would never leave you and I'll always be right around the corner.

You say many different words, and understand just about everything I say! You have even started to interact with me and ask for things by using your words paired with gestures. You will look at me and point to yourself while saying "buh" for book, asking me to read to you. If I ask who my baby is, you point to yourself and say, "baby!" You have a very strong concept of Self, for one so young. If I ask you where your ball is (or any other number of things), you hold your hands up and shrug very matter of factly as if to say, "well how should I know!"

You also love to get startled. Sometimes, I will hide outside your bedroom door as you play, waiting for you to come out. I pop out and scare you so you jump with surprise and you'll burst out laughing! Your favorite toy right now is your shape sorter. You enjoy pretending you've gotten your hand stuck and wailing pathetically for me to save you. When I tell you that you know how to do it yourself, you pull your hand out and make a pouty face at me!

You've gotten very tall recently; I no longer have to roll up the sleeves and pant legs of your 18 month clothes, though they are still baggy on you! You've also found your true love - spaghetti with tomato sauce and cheese - and you've even started eating it all by yourself. You love applesauce with cinnamon sprinkled in and harvati cheese with herbs. Your one year molars have all started coming in but you hardly seem to notice.

You love bubble baths, everything to do with the word "papa," and coloring. Lately, you have been allowed by the kitty to pet him more often, which you do very gently indeed. You pretend to tickle yourself and say "tick-tick!" and also still tickle my face with my hair. You adore when I pretend to bite your feet and hands while you're nursing - lots of giggling and squealing! When Papa's internet is strong enough, seeing him on the webcam is the highlight of your day. You also love dancing, which is a bit reminiscent of River Dance.

Even though I sometimes miss your days as a newborn, swinging you up into the air is just wonderful. Watching you explore and discover new things is just as exciting as waiting for that first sleepy smile. Hearing you say "mama!" warms my heart as much as your first little coos once did. When you run to me and fall into my arms for a hug, I feel just as much your Mama as I did the first time I held you. You are so different and yet, you are the same. You are my baby.
I love you, my sweet bunny. 

13 months.

Iris, you are 13 months old today! You had your 12 month well-baby appointment not long ago and weighed around 18.8lbs. We saw a new doctor this time, the same woman who took care of your skin infection a few months ago. She was wonderful! There was no discussion of percentiles and no critiquing of your weight or questioning of your ability to eat solid foods, as the old pediatrician was prone to doing. There was genuine interaction with both of us, unlike the old doctor who was very spacey and insincere. I'm glad we've finally found a doctor who seems to share our family's views!

You are walking very steadily now, even full on running! When I ask, you point excitedly to your hair, head, ears, teeth, tongue, hands, fingers, tummy, bellybutton, feet, and toes! You know what I mean when I ask you to "say" something, and you use words for different types of food like "caaaado" for avocado, and sounds like "beep beep!" You are also learning to put two words together, for example "kitty memem" when you want me to nurse your kitty blanket!

You are very open with giving big hugs and kisses, but only when you want them! You also blow raspberries on me! You enjoy wandering around the house with a sweatshirt or t-shirt in your mouth or over your face. You know how to tickle my feet and also use my hair to tickle my face. During our daily walks outside, you wave to everyone that walks by and also get very enthusiastic about barking dogs. 

You love your Teddy, playing with your (clean) diapers, and reading. You eat a wide variety of foods now along with nursing voraciously as usual. Your favorites are avocado, strawberries, clementines and pasta with tomato sauce! Pictures of Papa cause you to grin and exclaim, "Papapapa!" I can see that you miss him so much when he is away. Your newest favorite outdoor activity is being handed my keys, and running over to where the mailboxes are. You lift your arms to be picked up and jingle the keys, say "muh!" for mail and pull out whatever is inside.

You are interested in everything and love life so well. You are determined, strong and so very spirited. 

You are so intense and focused in everything you do.

The moments when you turn from your adventures and see me looking at you, you raise your arms and open your mouth wide with a squeal of glee and run back into my arms... those are the best. I marvel at your perfect joy.

I love you. You can always run back to me.

one year old.

On this day one year ago, around 1am in the morning, I gave birth to my sweet little baby.  

It's hard to believe how fast this first year has gone by and I'm sure time won't slow. 

Happy birthday, sweet baby. 

Thank you for choosing me to be your Mama. 

I will love you for always and forever.
♥

my toddler.

Not long after writing Iris' 11.5 month update, she decided to have a huge growth spurt! During these times, she nurses constantly, wants to be on me all the time and sleeps very little. It's always a bit rough on both of us but this time seems to have been the most difficult so far. The night before last, I got around 3 hours of sleep, I am beyond sore from excessive nursing, Iris has been crying a lot and hanging on me so I can't do anything without her (or I listen to her scream and cry after putting her down). Today has been much better.

On the other hand, it's been awesome to watch her beginning to do a whole bunch of new things all at once! Two days ago, I was talking to a friend and mentioned how much better Iris' balance had gotten. I said, "I think she'll be walking soon!" No less than two minutes later, Iris took her very first 3 steps all by herself!

I was dumbfounded and totally in shock. I thought it would be at least another month! But when she has a growth spurt, she has a growth spurt. Since then she has also learned where her nose is and grabs it when I ask. She knows the words 'lion' and 'tiger', can recognize them and knows that they are big kitties! She knows what 'high-five' means and will hold her little palm up with a smile. She knows what 'open' and 'closed' are and will open and close cupboards when I ask her to. She has started saying 'boo!' while playing peekaboo with me! She can also take up to nine whole steps in a row! 

Oh, my baby has gotten so big she's not even a baby anymore. She is a toddler! She has all the spunk, personality and independence of a toddler. She is so strong and beautiful and bold. Every day is a new adventure.

I love you, my sweet bunny.

eleven and a half months

Iris has made huge progress with eating in the last few days. She now eats nectarines, tortellini with tomato sauce, herbed harvati cheese, whole wheat crackers, hummus, ice cream, and baby carrots! I knew she would start eating when she was ready to, not when anyone else wanted her to. For right now, she likes me to hold her while we eat together and she sticks out her little tongue for me to place a bit of food there. The whole process can take up to an hour, which hurts my arm but is so worth it to see her enjoying it!

Iris has also made some pretty big leaps in terms of intellect. She recognizes cats with no prompting, either in books, printed on clothing and most recently the kitty I made for her out of felt. She knows the colors red and blue (at least when we're playing with colored links in the bath). She can put a cylindrical shaped block into the circle hole on her shape sorter and brings books over to me to read. Iris also loves to hold objects out to people and 'show' them what she has. She likes when we name what the object is and will also share. 

Much to our surprise, Iris recently started calling her Dada... Papa! She says "Papapapa!" and loves him so very much. When I hand her a comb and ask, "what do you do with a comb?" she combs her hair and then tries to comb mine! She also mostly grasps the difference between a hair brush, paint brush and tooth brush. She knows what "excuse me" means, moving out of the way a bit before I even need to show her why. I expect she understands about a fourth of what I say now and surprises me daily with her comprehension. Yesterday, I asked her if she wanted to feed her stuffed kitty some "memems" (milk) and she pushed the kitty at my chest with a delighted squeal. 

She constantly points to things she finds interesting! She has pointed to me and said "mama!" She has pointed to a picture of her Papa and said "papa!" When she's in the mood, she also says "meme", "kitty" and "meow!" She has 8 teeth and I assume more are coming considering how much she still wakes up crying at night. She is standing on her own now and walks while holding only one of my hands. She'd rather walk than crawl these days! She's definitely giving the Kitty some good exercise! She also starts clapping when I tell her it's bath time and will spend a good half an hour splashing around. She is also in love with the dish washer and enjoys helping me with laundry.

Almost a year old... oh, where did the time go?