The Crunchy Lion

teething woes.

2012-02-25T20:49:00.001-05:00

The last few days haven't been much fun around here. Poor little Iris is still getting her second bottom molar. She has always taken teething very hard and becomes extra sensitive, easy to cry and needing of me. Her teeth also take ages to come in and cause her occasional fevers. The molar looks like it should cut soon, but has been terribly swollen. She has barely been eating solid food lately on account of how sore it is. One thing which does seem to help is cold coconut milk from her sippy. On top of the teething, I was quite ill the other day and still haven't entirely recovered. We had to cancel some fun plans we had with friends, though I will say that it was nice to sleep for twelve hours that night and Iris was very patient with the fact that I was confined to the couch for 48 hours.

So needless to say, we have done a lot of movie watching and couch cuddling over the last few days. I'm just grateful I got sick before Marius gets home! We went out for a walk today, but it was chilly and very windy. Iris fell down in a puddle and was perturbed that her leg got wet, then promptly fell again and scraped her hand a tiny bit. She barely noticed though, thank goodness. We came inside and she cried for a while, wanting to "go go go bye bye bye!" I changed her clothes again and we colored some pictures and played with stickers for a while until she felt better, She then gave the kitty some good kisses and played with him while I cleaned and planned meals for this week. I also took some photos of Iris today, though this little girl would not crack a smile no matter what I tried.

We are all very ready for Marius to come home soon!

an instagram slice of life.

2012-02-19T20:56:00.000-05:00

Making my toast and coffee, while the Kitty waits impatiently to lick the butter knife.

Going down the big slide together!

Sunkissed.

A snack of sliced strawberries with unsweetened coconut cream.

My Baby.

Ginger and garlic bok choy, vegetable dumplings and hoisin barbecued tofu on rice.

Snuggling with my teething baby.

news.

2012-02-16T20:55:00.000-05:00

I got some wonderful news from Marius last night... he should be coming home in a fortnight!

I am so overjoyed to know that he will be home so soon; I've been positively giddy.

When I told Iris this morning, she grinned and pointed to her Papa doll and squealed, "Papa!"

She also gave his picture many kisses today!

We can hardly wait to see him again after these long months apart.

in our family...

2012-02-14T12:21:00.000-05:00

...every day is Valentine's Day.

finally, some new photos!

2012-02-12T20:34:00.000-05:00

Happy baby.

"Heyo!"

Sweet baby playing peek a boo!

"Okay, it's time to STOP taking pictures."

"Stop, please?"

Her super adorable "no" face.

sixteen months.

2012-02-12T16:58:00.000-05:00

You turned sixteen months old on the 10th and oh, how the time has flown! The word "determined" no longer fully describes the intensity with which you dedicate yourself to your desires and ideas. You really are a little girl now, no longer a baby, though I can't help but continue to call you My Baby. I ask you, "who's my baby?" and you still point to yourself gleefully and reply, "baby! baby!"

You are very vocal now, a far cry from the often silent infant you once were. You scream, shriek, howl and use words with joy, frustration, anger and excitement. When you scream, I remind you to "use your words" and you patiently try to communicate to me as clearly as you can with words and gestures. One thing you love is washing your hands. You announce, "ah duhn!" when you are all done with your meal and immediately reach over towards the sink. You whine, "geh duhn!" to tell me you want to get down from your chair. Then, I hold you up and you wash your little hands at the sink, then dry them and wipe your mouth all by yourself!

You love to color with markers and crayons while I'm making dinner. I also finally get kisses from you! When you decide it's time for me to have them, you purse your little lips and run to me. You love to watch me kiss pictures of your Papa and will even grab me by the hair or shoulder to push me at him! You also love music, most especially your new discovery... Elvis.

You love raisins, chai spiced oatmeal, rice and Annie's mac and cheese. Your favorites are still avocados, strawberries, and coconut and Mama milks. Every morning when you wake up, you have a nice long nursing session while I attempt to doze. When I finally get up, you grab me by the hand and run into the kitchen to pull at the refrigerator door, and ask for your morning drink of kefir. You are now eating pieces of food out of bowl with a spoon, all by yourself.

You've recently mastered the use of the word, "no" and use it often to declare your thoughts. You've finally learned to "please sit down" on the couch when I ask, and for some reason reply with a, "meeeow!" However, you still think it's funny to make me ask, dozens of times. Speaking of meows, we play with the kitty every day and he is warming up to you more and more, though your loud vocals are not his favorite. He does love when you feed him cheese and pasta!

You say so many different words and do so many new things now, I can't possibly list them all! You become smiley and bashful when anyone blows kisses to you. You especially love when I pretend to bite your hands and feet while you nurse. You like to play with hair clips and headbands (which you prefer to wear as necklaces), and have started showing interest in picking out your own clothes. You're very social and outgoing and while we're walking around outside, you sometimes run after people to say "heyo!" I can hardly believe you are already sixteen months old; you look and act so grown up now. You amaze me, little one. Mama loves you!

a look back v.6

2012-02-09T21:06:00.000-05:00

happy anniversary.

2012-02-05T20:40:00.001-05:00

Two years ago on this evening, my love and I were wed. It was a very simple affair that took place in the office of the Justice of the Peace. Our sisters and two of our friends were there as witnesses. The ceremony was only a few minutes long, and I barely remember the words we spoke to each other from whatever standard script that is used.

But, I do remember Marius's expression as he looked at me; so full of love and heart laid bare.

I remember the way his lips moved around the words and the way his hands felt around mine as we exchanged rings.

I remember the way my heart fluttered like a small bird.

I remember our first embrace as husband and wife and how I felt I might burst with delight.

Marius is more than I could ever have asked for in a friend, teacher, husband and love.

I have such pride in the home and family we have built; in our beautiful and intelligent daughter;

in the balance we bring each other.

Our honeymoon will never cease as we experience and explore everything this wonderful life has to offer - together.

Thank you, My Love.

The last two years have been nothing short of extraordinary.

hunting dandelions.

2012-01-28T09:58:00.000-05:00

our first art project.

2012-01-26T20:40:00.000-05:00

We learned about which end of the marker to hold.

This was all Iris. I only put the dots of glue for her to stick the noodles on.

Crafty baby!

utensils!

2012-01-25T22:11:00.000-05:00

Here's a little video that I took of Iris a few nights ago. Lately, she has been very determined that she feed herself. Sometimes I can sneak bites in, especially if she's really hungry. Most of the time, she wants to do it all by herself (and once she's done, she makes a big mess with the rest of it!)

Considering that she just started eating solid food four months ago, she has made astounding progress!

links I love.

2012-01-23T20:40:00.000-05:00

A seven year old said, "mom, I'm fat." This is how her mother responded. I was a blubbering mess by the end.

Anne Roiphe, a first-generation femininist and author, wrote this lovely piece about what makes her feel beautiful.

I wrote a little bit yesterday about how I have cut most sugars out of my diet. Here's an informative article called, The Politics of Sugar: why your government lies to you about this disease-promoting ingredient.

Finally, a recipe for muffins that doesn't call for heaps of sugar! I will have to find a substitute for the egg whites though... I am so excited to try this recipe next week, once I can gather all the ingredients.

No one wants to hear the word "no." Let's learn to respect our children's emotions when they get angry or frustrated. Here is a great example of how to do that.

I really enjoyed reading this post on toddler discipline, by blogger Melissa Jordan.

A touching read about a boy sticking up for his little brother.

This dress is perfect in so many ways.

The things every pregnant woman wants to hear.

Here, have a kitteh!

sugar and spice.

2012-01-22T21:51:00.004-05:00

Another post where I admit to being absent, as of late! Iris and I have been going through a bit of a rough adjustment period, where she is asserting her new independence and creating boundaries for herself. She will now say the word, "no" to me, has become very picky about food, is determined to stand and run along the couch, pull dvds off the shelves, and becomes extremely emotional about every little thing. It has been hard for both of us, especially on me since I am very much alone, most of the time. Marius' internet has also been very unreliable lately, which tends to add to the heaviness of missing him which I always seem to feel in my chest. Sometimes it can take hours for our skype messages to go through to each other, and we very rarely get to see each other's faces. We still don't know when he will be coming home from his deployment, but we are hoping for within a month or two.

Things are going well, aside from the changes and difficulties. I am readying our home for our impending move to Germany this spring, which means sorting through all of our belongings, organizing them and minimizing as much as possible. I've already made one huge donation of old baby clothes, toys and various kitchenware to a local shelter and have another one almost ready to go. I have started reading again and practicing a bit of yoga, both of which are much needed.

I have also recently made a huge change to my lifestyle in terms of cutting most sugar out of my diet. I now use one teaspoon of agave in my coffee or tea and have no candy, chocolate, or much of any processed food. I have also stopped eating any kind of products containing eggs (due to my allergy), and I feel worlds better after both of these adjustments. It's really amazing how addictive sugar is and how it finds it's way into almost all of our food these days. After a week of eating no more than 10g of sugar a day, I tried to eat a sweet potato for lunch and found myself disgusted at how sweet it tasted, even with nothing on it! Did you know that the average American eats 150lbs of sugar each year? That's one teaspoon of sugar for every hour of every day!

Anyway, here is the only picture I have available to me right now, as I still haven't bought a new camera card. I took this for Marius to show him just how big Iris has really gotten. We had both recently woken up and were still in our jammies, looking sleepy. Speaking of which, I am exhausted. I hope to soon have more time and energy to devote to my blog.

all aboard the baby train!

2012-01-14T13:00:00.001-05:00

This was not posed!

15 months.

2012-01-13T21:23:00.002-05:00

Three days ago, you turned fifteen months old. You have become so communicative I can hardly believe it! You constantly parrot things that I say or that our friend Ms. Julie says. You often point to yourself, to say "I/me/my" - for example, you point to food, then to your mouth. Speaking of food, you love blueberries, quinoa, butterkase cheese, avocado and blueberry kefir. You are also quite taken with drinking coconut milk from your straw sippy-cup. You drink about a cup a day in addition to nursing, and sometimes even some water on top of that! You still call mama-milk "mememe," which melts my heart.

You still ride in the Ergo on my back, which is perfectly comfortable for both of us. You also love to sit in shopping carts when we're out and about. You can point to almost all of your body parts now, and you know all sorts of different animal sounds. One of your bottom molars has come in and I think the other one will shortly follow. You have started glaring when you don't like or want something and waving your hands about as though to say, "begone from my sight!" I really can't help but smile at your very grown-up emotions.

We've had some issue lately with not listening to Mama when I say to "sit on the couch" and not stand. However, I've come up with a little song about it which helps you listen a bit more often. It goes: "we sit on the couch, we sit on the couch - you put your bum on the couch, you put your bum on the couch!" You are very amused by it too. You also love to pull the DVDs off the shelves, though telling you "those are Papa's, please put them away" can usually deter you.

I have always allowed you come into the bathroom with me, so that you could learn about the potty from the very start. Your new bathroom routine involves saying "peepee, peepee," setting your potty infront of me and sitting. After a moment, you point to yourself, then to the toilet paper, then... you try to wipe me, and finally put your potty away. So, it seems you've really got the idea, little one! When you poop in your diaper, you run over to me and say "poopoo! poopoo!" You've even started pointing to yourself, then to the clean diapers as though to say, "please change me mama!" I know you will start to really use the potty when you're ready, and until then it's great fun to watch you practice!

You tap your chest and say "buh buh buh!" when you want me to read you a book - and god forbid if I don't read immediately! You'll run off and return with one book at a time, slowly compiling a stack. You climb into my lap with a book to be sure I'm going to read it to you. We read each one over and over - your favorite ones are about Papa. You love to play with the kitty with his toys; he really appreciates that you amuse him rather than torment him! Though you're honestly very gentle with him and he allows you to pet him much more often.Your favorite toy is the play kitchen. You are already engaging in pretend play, which I find pretty amazing. You stir your "speespee" (spaghetti) in the pot, you hold out the spoon for me to taste and you pretend to taste the play food too.

Not long ago, you were drinking from your sippy cup and offered me a sip - you're so wonderful with sharing. I sipped and you immediately ran over to Papa's photo on the refrigerator and pressed the cup against his face too. I almost cried, you beautiful girl. You also love your Papa doll so much. If I ask you where he is, you run into your room and grab him from beside the bed. You give him big hugs and kiss him on the face! You've started saying "muah!" when you give kisses - but only Papa gets them; no kisses for Mama! At least I get to snuggle up with you at night!

Around bed time when I ask if you're ready for a bath, you always point to yourself and then ask "buboo!?" Bubble!? You love scooping bubbles into your hands for me to blow into the air. I have to comb your hair after baths, as it's starting to get long now. We read a few stories in bed as you lean against me and then nurse to sleep. I say this every month when I write to you, but can't help it - it's amazing to watch you grow and learn! I will always love you, my baby.

dancing baby.

2012-01-08T22:19:00.000-05:00

Here's a little snippet of what Iris' dancing looks like! This musical butterfly is one of only three battery operated toys that Iris has. I usually keep them hidden - mostly because they drive me nuts and I just don't agree with them. She also enjoys them much more when I take them out for her occasionally!

slide.

2012-01-05T20:46:00.000-05:00

Today, Iris started going down the slide all by herself!

apologies.

2012-01-04T20:44:00.000-05:00

Whoa, it's been a long time since I've actually written anything here! I have been very preoccupied with other projects lately but I have missed putting effort into writing about our lives. I also finally filled up my second camera card, so I need to order a new one to start taking quality photos more often! I promise, I'll be back soon with more writing after I finish the work I am doing. For now, here are a few instagram photos from recent times.

Going out for a walk.

Playing on her bed with a pen. I can see this is going to end well, one day.

Trying to blow the bubbles off her hand.

"And why exactly have you stopped helping me go down the slide?"

Rudolph the red nosed baby.

new year water baby.

2012-01-01T21:17:00.000-05:00

webcam love.

2011-12-30T20:29:00.000-05:00

10 months ago

Now

a few christmas photos.

2011-12-26T21:03:00.000-05:00

Santaaaaa!!

SANTAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

"Even you can't top that, Papa!"

Christmas joy.

The boxes and paper proved to be very interesting indeed.

She chose door number 5.

Exploring her new kitchen for the first time.

"This is how you do it, right?"

mama and baby.

2011-12-26T20:54:00.000-05:00

The squadron Christmas party was held a little over a week ago. Without my knowledge, a friend of ours captured these beautiful moments of me with Iris. Photos like these are a rarity, as I am usually the one taking pictures! Thank you dear friend; these photos mean a lot to me and I know they will to my husband, as well.

her favorite christmas present.

2011-12-25T22:32:00.000-05:00

Iris received so many wonderful gifts for Christmas. Thank you to all of our family and friends who were so thoughtful and generous! She gave attention to each and every present. But her most favorite present of all...?

Not the interactive, wooden play kitchen and food from her Granny.

Not the beautifully illustrated books or outfit from her Pepe and Susan.

Not the sweet little dress or book from her Aunties.

Not the adorable Jasmine doll from our family friends.

Not the latch board or her pull along snail...

she

loves

The Potty.

All she would say was "pee pee!" and "pahhh pahh" - granted, I definitely encourage it under the pretense of making potty learning easier when that time comes around. I eventually had to put The Potty away because all this little girl wanted to do was stand in it, sit on it and carry it around with her. Nothing else existed once she pulled this magical device from its decorative bag. Hooray for The Potty - thank you Santa!

play date babies.

2011-12-24T10:17:00.000-05:00

Iris was determined to learn to climb up and down the stairs while standing! Jane said she was too slow.

Getting ready to go down the slide all by herself.

"Oh, wait! I'm not sure about this!"

"Oh, I get it now - this is awesome!"

Claiming the slide in the name of Jane.

Climbing babies.

Going down the slide with Mama.

Would you like these keys?

"Oh, she took them..."

Making fun of Ms. Lena.

"LOOK AT THIS MAGICAL BUTTERFLY TOY!"

tag!

2011-12-19T21:28:00.003-05:00

I was tagged by Deanna, over at Delirious Rhapsody!

Rules:
1. You must post these rules.
2. Each person must post 11 things about themselves on their blog.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
4. You have to choose 11 people to tag and link them on the post.
5. Go to their page and tell them you have linked him or her.
6. No tag backs.
7. No stuff in the tagging section about ‘you are tagged if you are reading this.’ You legitimately have to tag 11 people.

11 things about me:
1. I try to write with my left hand about once a year, always expecting my handwriting to magically be legible. But it continues to look like a preschooler scribbled some abc's and I get disappointed each time.
2. I severely bit my nails (until they bled) for about 17 years. One day, I just decided to stop.
3. I did my Christmas shopping a month early this year, for the first time! I used to be a master of procrastination, so I'm pretty proud that everything is done!
4. One of my pet peeves is wet bathmats. Seriously, dry yourself off in the shower. The bath mat should be a place for my freshly clean feet to enjoy soft comfort. I don't enjoy awkwardly cold fabric puddles.
5. I try my best not to eat much processed food or sugars, but I still crave chocolate in the late evening.
6. I have the worst memory of anyone I know. I've forgotten everything and anything you can imagine. I blame a 105.5 fever I had when I was 18 years old. The EMT's told me that if people had waited any longer to call 911, I could have died. I haven't been the same since, and it can be very embarrassing and frustrating.
7. I haven't watched any commercial television in about six months. I watch Netflix streaming movies and Youtube. I don't want Iris growing up with commercial television and it's also just extremely annoying!
8. I recently found out that I am pretty highly allergic to egg whites. I break out in hives when I eat them, which means I can no longer eat anything with eggs in it - including cake, batter fried foods and pancakes. Good for less sugar and fat in my diet, bad for the indulgent side of me.
9. I'm the type of person who can watch a movie or listen to a song over and over and over again until any sane person would snap. For example, since starting to think about and write this post, I've listened to The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole about 15 times.
10. This year, Marius and I have donated to multiple charities and have given goods to a food drive. I feel great knowing that we've made the effort to benefit others in our country and community.
11. I think that for the most part, taking care of a baby is really easy. Though sometimes I need a break, for sure. I worked for a few years as a nursing assistant, taking care of dozens of (usually mentally ill) elderly patients at once. Caring for a baby is a walk in the park compared to that.

Questions from Deanna:
1. What is the worst name that you know?
Alma. Just say it out loud.
2. Who do you think is the most over-rated musician or musical group?
Most of the pop and rap music I've ever heard? I'm not sure. I generally just stick to the music I know I love and ignore everything else. Maybe the Beatles. I like a lot of their songs... but there are plenty of other brilliantly creative and attractive artists out there. I just don't get the obsession.
3. What was your favorite book growing up?
I read a LOT as a child, so this is hard... but I think The Island of the Blue Dolphins was one of my all time favorites, which I read over and over again. I loved the idea of living off the land and being self sufficient and creative through my own efforts.
4. Aside from lettuce, what are your two favorite salad ingredients? Favorite dressing?
Cucumbers and a touch of parmigiana cheese for an added layer of flavor. As for dressing, I love just a bit of high quality olive oil. It lets the true flavors of the vegetables shine and is healthy for you, unlike most other dressings which I think are mostly gross.
5. What is the saddest movie you have ever seen?
Grave of the Fireflies. I'm pretty sure I bought it, then watched it once and gave it away to a friend because I didn't think I could watch it again it was SO depressing. Also, Atonement. I haven't been able to bring myself to watch it in years even though it's such a good movie - no surprise considering I'm a military wife.
6. If you were to give yourself a creative title for your personal business card, what would it say?
"I'm really good at wiping butts." ...well, I am. But honestly, I have no idea!
7. What is the most irritating sound in the world to you?
The sound of Iris whining. Maybe because she never did as an infant? I don't know but it really drives me insane.
8. When you look back on pictures of yourself, what age are you most embarrassed about?
Probably when I was in eighth grade or was a freshman in high school. I wore some very tom boy, goth ensembles that just didn't complement my body at all. I do love that I had the confidence in my self to wear what I liked, but I didn't know how to wear them properly. I remember as a freshman, a girl in my class spent an hour trying to convince me to let her put make up on me!
9. If you found a $50 bill on the street and had to spend it immediately, what would you buy?
I would probably go to Target and spend it on some wine, books for Iris and a Disney movie.
10. What commercial product would you refuse to endorse?
Cleaning products. My house has never been so clean and nice smelling since I started cleaning with natural, home-made products (it seriously works better too). All the chemicals in the commercial cleaning products really freak me out and I don't want my family around them.
11. What is one thing that always makes you laugh hysterically?
This comic. So far, no one else seems to just "get it" the way I do!

My questions:
1. What is your favorite Christmas song and why?
2. Who do you know in person that you look up to the most?
3. If you have kids, did you plan for them? If you don't, do you want kids?
4. What is the weirdest dream you've ever had?
5. If a movie was written about your life, who would you want as the director?
6. What did you want to be when you grew up?
7. What is your favorite store?
8. If you could tell your 16 year old self one thing, what would it be?
9. What are your long term goals - say, five years from now?
10. Is there any movie or song that makes you cry?
11. Why do you get out of bed in the morning?

I tag: Daine, Kelly, Meg, Susan, Meg, and anyone else reading this! I'd love to read your responses so let me know if you choose to join in!

this morning...

2011-12-17T13:52:00.000-05:00

An early Christmas present for a cute little girl who really needed a new hat!
Kitty ears hat hand knitted by BabaMoon.

go baby, go!

2011-12-15T21:08:00.001-05:00

It seems that right after I hit "publish" on a monthly update post, Iris starts doing all sorts of crazy new things. During lunch today, I decided to hand her the spoon I was feeding her with to see what she would do with it. And what do you know... she immediately scooped up some applesauce with the spoon and put it in her mouth! She ate the entire container all by herself, re-positioning the spoon in her hand as needed. She continued feeding herself chucks of avocado until she was "duh," or in other words, "all done!" She didn't even make a mess, just gave herself an apple sauce beard. I was so surprised and impressed to watch her. Less than three months ago, she didn't even eat solid foods! I wish I had been able to capture it for Marius, but I didn't want to break her stride. Hopefully I can catch it tomorrow.

On top of the cutlery revelation, her word pronunciation has improved greatly in just the last day. She now says words like: boo, go, pee pee, ergo, and meow very clearly. I recently started playing the "stop and go game" with her, so she says "go!" about everything she's doing! She also knows that when we gets near the street outside, to beckon me to pick her up to cross. She has started grabbing my hand and leading me places, too! She knows that her ears are for listening (though she still puts the phone behind her head instead of against her ear, which is pretty cute) and her nose is for smelling. Two days ago, she learned how a zipper works and now zips and unzips my sweatshirt constantly. She also heard a crow outside recently and instantly replied to him, "caw caw!"

Tonight, she followed the kitty around the room saying, "meow meow meow!" She was watching part of Toy Story 3 as I made dinner and started copying the clapping, running and arm flailing of the characters! It really blows my mind how quickly she has starting picking up on things.

Reaching for her glowing gingerbread ornament that I got her at Kohl's last week. She carries it everywhere and has dubbed it "Moo!"

"Oh joy! I love you Moo!"

"I have kisses for you!"

yesterday...

2011-12-15T12:15:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, Iris and I got together with a few friends for lunch at Mellow Mushroom. Afterwards, we headed to another friend's house to eat donuts, talk and watch the babies play. We all ended up at the park down the street for a good hour; it was a beautiful afternoon in the low 60s.

Here are a few pictures of me and Iris, taken by Lena!

Sitting together on our friend's couch.

Walking to the park.

Riding a whale!

Babies on the merry-go-round!
(Don't worry... there were adults there I just cropped us out of the picture!)

Hello!

Pausing for a cuddle.

About to fly Iris off the ledge to run in the grass.

music monday.

2011-12-12T08:54:00.000-05:00

peep show.

2011-12-11T14:13:00.002-05:00

One of our family's favorite Christmas movies is Elf. Confession: Iris and I have have already watched it three times in the last two weeks. In the part where Santa is describing New York City to Buddy the elf, he says:

"Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It isn't free candy. Second, there are, like, thirty Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be the original. But the real one's on 11th. And if you see a sign that says "Peep Show", that doesn't mean that they're letting you look at the new toys before Christmas."

Well, here's the North Pole version of a peep show!
This is what Iris is getting for Christmas this year from Mama and Papa (and Santa)!

Crayola Twistable (nonbreakable?) Crayons.

Toddler sized duffel bag, handmade by Mirit.

A slinky!

Kitty ears hat, hand knitted by BabaMoon.

A Becopotty for practicing.

CAT, an interactive board book.

Plan Toys Pull-Along Snail.

Kitty sweater Iris points out every time we're in Target.

Melissa and Doug latch board.

The Lion King DVD

She is going to be beside herself this Christmas, and I can't even imagine what else she's getting from other family members! She definitely "gets" opening presents, so this year will be fun and Marius will be joining us on webcam! Now, I am off to ~~watch Elf again~~ play outside with Iris and make pumpkin bread!
I hope everyone has been enjoying their weekend!

14 months.

2011-12-11T13:15:00.000-05:00

As we approach the end of 2011, I get a little teary eyed when I think back over the past year and visualize how much you, our little girl, have grown. This time last year, you weren't even rolling over on your own yet. I would hold you cradled close against my breast, breathing in your sweet baby smell, and getting lost in your deep, dark eyes. I watched you lay in your Papa's arms too, as you quietly observed each other's faces, cooing back and forth.

Now, you'll barely ever stay still, even when you're having milk! You are already so determined and focused on being your own person. I am astounded at how grown up you look and act. You get so excited to run around and interact with everyone and everything. You have even started running off out of my sight when we go for walks outside. I think you know now that I would never leave you and I'll always be right around the corner.

You say many different words, and understand just about everything I say! You have even started to interact with me and ask for things by using your words paired with gestures. You will look at me and point to yourself while saying "buh" for book, asking me to read to you. If I ask who my baby is, you point to yourself and say, "baby!" You have a very strong concept of Self, for one so young. If I ask you where your ball is (or any other number of things), you hold your hands up and shrug very matter of factly as if to say, "well how should I know!"

You also love to get startled. Sometimes, I will hide outside your bedroom door as you play, waiting for you to come out. I pop out and scare you so you jump with surprise and you'll burst out laughing! Your favorite toy right now is your shape sorter. You enjoy pretending you've gotten your hand stuck and wailing pathetically for me to save you. When I tell you that you know how to do it yourself, you pull your hand out and make a pouty face at me!

You've gotten very tall recently; I no longer have to roll up the sleeves and pant legs of your 18 month clothes, though they are still baggy on you! You've also found your true love - spaghetti with tomato sauce and cheese - and you've even started eating it all by yourself. You love applesauce with cinnamon sprinkled in and harvati cheese with herbs. Your one year molars have all started coming in but you hardly seem to notice.

You love bubble baths, everything to do with the word "papa," and coloring. Lately, you have been allowed by the kitty to pet him more often, which you do very gently indeed. You pretend to tickle yourself and say "tick-tick!" and also still tickle my face with my hair. You adore when I pretend to bite your feet and hands while you're nursing - lots of giggling and squealing! When Papa's internet is strong enough, seeing him on the webcam is the highlight of your day. You also love dancing, which is a bit reminiscent of River Dance.

Even though I sometimes miss your days as a newborn, swinging you up into the air is just wonderful. Watching you explore and discover new things is just as exciting as waiting for that first sleepy smile. Hearing you say "mama!" warms my heart as much as your first little coos once did. When you run to me and fall into my arms for a hug, I feel just as much your Mama as I did the first time I held you. You are so different and yet, you are the same. You are my baby.
I love you, my sweet bunny.

wordless wednesday.

2011-12-07T20:51:00.000-05:00

"Mama, come here so I can stick this flower up your nose!"

Digging in the mulch.

Stormy skies

The slide is better with shoes off - most things are!

Putting mulch pegs in the holes.

my "new" living room.

2011-12-05T21:41:00.002-05:00

About a month ago, Iris learned how to get down from the couch by herself. Then, about a week ago she learned that she didn't need my help and instead... well, here's a demonstration! Please ignore the yelling in the background, bad timing! We were watching Howl's Moving Castle during breakfast!

I knew it was only a matter of time before she realized she could get on the couch and then get off on the other end, where the No Baby Zone was. For a long time, we had the ottoman, a blanket and cushions blocking her access to the electronics, shelves of dvds and open outlets for our computers and phones. So this evening, we spent a couple of hours baby proofing. Here is what my living room looks like now!

Yes, our little tree is up and there are already some presents hidden behind it! And yes, that is cardboard covering our electronics. I plan to paint it so at least it will look... sort of pretty? Obviously, we didn't know we were going to be having a baby when we bought furniture. Let me also be honest and say I really dislike our coffee table. It looks like a spacecraft, but without the super cool aliens. It's actually not even the one we initially picked out, but the lady taking our order apparently wrote down the wrong product number. We decided not to bother with the hassle of returning it... definitively a mistake, haha! The glass top shows every little fingerprint and drop of water, and drives me batty.

Iris is very pleased to be allowed over there now and explored every little corner of the space as we renovated. I had to move all the ornaments to the very top of the tree, which looks pretty funny! It's also so nice to be able to walk around the house without stepping over cushions! Anyone have any suggestions for how I should paint our classy cardboard? I'm thinking of going for some sort of enlarged mandala print.

links I love.

2011-12-04T09:01:00.002-05:00

This is a well written story about a woman's experience with charity. Definitely made me rethink my perspective. This year, I donated a whole bunch of never-used formula, toothbrushes, toothpaste, other personal care items, and canned tuna fish and pineapple. I'm thinking we can afford to give a little more this year.

Moon and Sable on Etsy. I love the V drop earrings, the lone wolf necklace and the crystal fragments duster earrings!

I adore Modcloth. I've bought all of my clothes in the last year from this store, and love every piece! They sell retro, vintage inspired, indie and overall stylish clothing I haven't seen anywhere else. I'll have to make a "what's in my closet" post some day!

This article talks about how, in my home state of Rhode Island, formula companies are no longer allowed to use hospitals to send samples of formula home with every new mother. Formula will still be given to those who may need or request it, but is no longer given indiscriminately. I hope this gets more mothers and babies off to the best start possible!

I made this Quinoa and Green Olive Stew (without the chicken) last week and it was delicious! I might just make it again today! I've been really getting into using quinoa in my every day cooking, since I have accidentally gone mostly-vegetarian since Marius left.

Rhythm & Ritual is a blog I stumbled across at some point recently and I found it really interesting to scroll through.Very inspiring images.

I look for a lot of my tattoo inspiration here. A lot of it is not my style, but it's still fun to browse! I have two small tattoos currently - the first was on my lower stomach when I was 19 and the second a symbol on my inner wrist a few years ago. I have been planning a few larger pieces for several years now. When we get to Germany, Marius and I are definitely planning on actively pursuing getting tattooed some more. He's got three right now, one of which is a piece covering most of his back. Here is one of my favorite artists in the US, Thomas Hooper!

excitement for the park, and a very large t-rex.

2011-12-03T21:57:00.000-05:00

I've been seriously terrible at posting on my blog lately. I've had a lot of things going on emotionally and needed some time to focus on myself and our family. Life has been wonderful, as always, and Iris has changed so much in the last week it astounds me. She has her first molar now and has grown at least an inch taller!

I had a doctor's appointment on Friday, so my friend Lena and her husband took Jane and Iris to the park nearby. Thank you to Lena for taking these pictures of Iris! I love how her zesty personality really shines through in these photos!

loving Papa.

2011-12-03T17:44:00.001-05:00

Iris' Papa Doll finally arrived today.

This photo perfectly captures her reaction.

She's been carrying him around all day since.

We miss you, Love.

wordless wednesday.

2011-11-30T12:05:00.000-05:00

an unlikely murder.

2011-11-26T20:26:00.000-05:00

I really enjoyed taking photos of my cranberry sauce the other day, so today I decided to play around with a pomegranate. I've called this little set, "The Unlikely Murder."

Food photography may be becoming another new passion!

thankfulness.

2011-11-24T21:45:00.001-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Iris and I had a nice dinner yesterday at the squadron. This morning, I went with Lena to the airport to pick up her husband just returning from Afghanistan, then I had a nice long talk online with Marius when we got home. I made a delicious vegetarian stew for myself with fire roasted tomatoes, quinoa, beans and green olives, along with numerous spices. All in all, it was a good day even though Marius couldn't be here to share it with us in person.

In the last few hours of this day, I sit here reflecting upon what it is I am truly thankful for. My life, the experience of living and all the wonder it brings. My Family, my health and my wealth, which has provided the roof over my head and all the amenities we are so fortunate to own. I am thankful that we don't have to worry where our next paycheck is coming from or that we don't have to choose between heating our home and affording food. I am appreciative of my military family and my friends, whom have given of themselves to help us. I am thankful for my daughter for bringing so much more light into my life, and who has bettered me in more ways than she will ever know.

Most of all, I am thankful for my husband and for our marriage. My words fail me in describing the perfect love we share. Thank you, Marius, for teaching me with such patience to love myself. You've loved me unconditionally, and shown me the greatest compassion and tenderness that I have ever known. Your incredible steadfastness and sensitivity astonish me every day. You are truly an exceptional man. I am so thankful to have you in my life and I look forward to spending every day of eternity together. I will always follow the road which leads me to you.

lullaby moon kitty

2011-11-23T08:43:00.001-05:00

I've mentioned on countless occasions that Iris' favorite toys are actually her books. I can't help but buy her new ones all the time because not only am I exhausted of reading the same ones over and over, but she simply glows from the inside out when presented with a new book. About three months ago, at Kohl's, I spotted this book called Lullaby Moon. It's about a mama (or papa) and baby mouse coming home after a day of playing, and getting ready for bed. The illustrations are soft and warm with a lyrical story. Iris took to the characters immediately. Especially - no surprise - the kitty.

See the little kitty stuffed animal tucked into bed with the baby mouse? Iris would squeal and point this kitty out every time we read this story. It got to the point that she would disrupt my reading and just flip all the way to the last two pages. I knew I wouldn't find a stuffed animal of this character anywhere online, so I decided to make one myself.

He took me around twelve hours to design, sew and embroider.

Everything was done entirely by hand; I've never used a sewing machine in my life!

Iris absolutely adores him - he gets a lot of love. Making him inspired me to create some felt food for her as well. This is the first crafting I've done in years. I used to make jewelry, knit, work with clay and all sorts of things that I haven't touched in a long time. Now that I'm a stay at home mom, I'm really enjoying exploring my creativity again!

simple and delicious cranberry sauce

2011-11-22T21:52:00.001-05:00

Welcome to my very first recipe post! Yes, also my second post of the evening; I'm trying to make up for lost time! Thanksgiving is the day after tomorrow... can you believe it?? This month has simply flown by, don't you think so? I thought I'd share my very simple and yummy recipe for cranberry sauce.

Gather your ingredients! Oops, the orange peels got mostly cut out of the picture.

Cranberries are just gorgeous little things. I used to eat them raw as a child and maybe I still do.

Combine water and sugar, and bring to a boil.

Add cranberries and orange peels.

Bring back to a boil and listen to those cranberries pop!

Reduce heat and simmer for about 12 minutes, stirring occasionally.

If you're using a wooden spoon, it will be tinted a lovely color!

After 12 minutes, the mixture will have started to thicken and turn a deep ruby red.

Squeeze some fresh orange juice, maybe an 1/8 of a cup or so.

Sprinkle some cinnamon, but not too much. That stuff is powerful!

Allow to cool, thicken and become edible. With a spoon. No turkey necessary.

Ta-da! Homemade, whole cranberry sauce, that was easy!

There are so many different variations you can do with this. Usually, I add chopped walnuts in with the cranberries and orange peel but since I'm making this for a variety of people who may have nut allergies, I decided to leave it out. We found out about the allergies the hard way last year, oops! I made double this recipe for tomorrow's thanksgiving party, so I hope it gets eaten! Otherwise, this bowl of cranberry and I are going to become very well acquainted.

Simple Cranberry Sauce Recipe

(adapted from Smitten Kitchen)

1 cup water

1 cup sugar

12 oz fresh cranberries

4-5 orange julienne strips (reserve the orange)

cinnamon

Combine water and sugar in a medium sized saucepan and bring to a boil.

Add cranberries and orange julienne and bring to a boil.

Reduce heat and simmer approximately 12 minutes - enjoy the sounds of cranberries popping!

Turn off the heat and squeeze some fresh orange juice into the sauce, then sprinkle some cinnamon to taste - it should add a layer of flavor, but not be overpowering.

Stir and allow to cool to room temperature before serving, and be sure to remove the orange peels. May be refrigerated for up to a week.

well, hello there!

2011-11-22T20:15:00.000-05:00

It's certainly been a while! I have been so busy planning and shopping for Christmas that I've all but forgotten about my blog. I'm usually one of those last minute shoppers, or at least I used to be. In the last couple of years I've found great pleasure in plotting Christmas presents way in advance. This year, I'm making a concerted effort to support small businesses and craft a few little things myself, as well. I've done quite a bit of shopping on etsy.com, which has actually become a bit of an obsession. One of my long term goals is to open my own shop there in the next few years! Anyway, here are a few instagram pictures from today!

Iris drinking from her Klean Kanteen sippy cup.

There was a lot of this going on today...

We made about a half a gallon of cranberry sauce!

Iris running free... or tightrope walking?

She played with this leaf for a while.

During dinner, we watched a show about black holes. Fascinating stuff.

A pre-bedtime routine snack of strawberries, which has become somewhat of a tradition for us.

And finally, the song I've been playing on repeat for most of the day!

kitty plush carry!

2011-11-18T10:04:00.000-05:00

Iris loves to help me do laundry.

Especially when that involves draping clothes over herself, running around and

spreading them all over the house! So, last night...

What in the world is this low quality cellphone picture of?

Why yes, it's a pair of my pajama pants tied around my child...

...creating her very first baby carrier!

The baby she's carrying around is a felt kitty plush that I designed and sewed for her
based on a character in one of her favorite books.

She carried her kitty plush around like this for a half hour, petting and talking to him.

She's a natural!

the story of a toddler mini-meltdown over absolutely nothing.

2011-11-16T12:11:00.000-05:00

a look back v.5

2011-11-16T10:29:00.000-05:00

the story of Santa.

2011-11-14T21:35:00.002-05:00

I haven't been around my sweet blog very much lately. I actually have a lot of posts on my mind, including thoughts on my marriage and how motherhood has changed me... I've just been busy doing other things around the house and with Iris! It's a little early to be talking about Christmas, but this was inspired by a long-time friend of mine asking how I feel about Santa. If you don't know, there is a revolution of people who are proclaiming that encouraging your children to believe in Santa is cruel because you're lying to them. While I think this is a bit silly, I can also sympathize. My opinion is slightly mixed.

(Note: I should take this opportunity to share that our family is atheist. We respect the values taught by Jesus, as well as many other teachings from religions around the world but we do not believe in any kind of external deity.)

I know that both Marius and I both want to raise Iris to be self-aware and questioning of the world around her. We want her to feel confident in forming her own opinions based on what she experiences. But I also want her to realize that things aren't always as they seem, and that magic may indeed be real. I would hate to deprive Iris of the magic I felt as a child - I believed that Santa was a real person until around 10 years old! On the other hand, I can appreciate just viewing him as "The Christmas Spirit."

If Iris asked me whether Santa was real, I would tell her, "yes, Santa is real. He is a spirit of giving who reminds the world to be thankful for what they have in their lives, and to give unto others with kindness - to treat others as you would want to be treated." As for why he brings presents, I would explain that it's a "you receive but what you give." I think that being a model for kindness and elective charity (ie. donating food, working at a soup kitchen, bringing used clothes/toys to a women's shelter, etc) is a great way to show your child how helping others can be beneficial both physically and emotionally for everyone involved. Warmth and kindness in general is wonderful too.

"He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake" may be viewed simply as a child learning to be accountable for their words or actions. I would tell her there are no good or bad children, but you do know what things are acceptable and make you feel happy, and what things aren't.

I really feel as though the story of Santa is special and magical. I remember feeling that fire of joy in my belly on Christmas morning when I saw that Santa had come to eat the cookies I made for him, filled my stocking and brought me something special because he was a kind man who existed to bring joy to children around the world. I don't view Santa as "a lie," but then I did not experience any kind of emotional trauma involving my parents telling me to grow up or anything of the like. If Iris asked me about any of the other technical details, I would probably agree that Santa lives at the North Pole, comes down the chimney, eats cookies, etc, but continue to reinforce the idea that Santa is "the spirit of Christmas" so that when she does find out or decide that he is not real in the physical sense, she will have a deeper understanding of what Christmas is really all about - the spirit within all of us that has the capacity to be excellent to each other.

13 months.

2011-11-10T21:52:00.000-05:00

Iris, you are 13 months old today! You had your 12 month well-baby appointment not long ago and weighed around 18.8lbs. We saw a new doctor this time, the same woman who took care of your skin infection a few months ago. She was wonderful! There was no discussion of percentiles and no critiquing of your weight or questioning of your ability to eat solid foods, as the old pediatrician was prone to doing. There was genuine interaction with both of us, unlike the old doctor who was very spacey and insincere. I'm glad we've finally found a doctor who seems to share our family's views!

You are walking very steadily now, even full on running! When I ask, you point excitedly to your hair, head, ears, teeth, tongue, hands, fingers, tummy, bellybutton, feet, and toes! You know what I mean when I ask you to "say" something, and you use words for different types of food like "caaaado" for avocado, and sounds like "beep beep!" You are also learning to put two words together, for example "kitty memem" when you want me to nurse your kitty blanket!

You are very open with giving big hugs and kisses, but only when you want them! You also blow raspberries on me! You enjoy wandering around the house with a sweatshirt or t-shirt in your mouth or over your face. You know how to tickle my feet and also use my hair to tickle my face. During our daily walks outside, you wave to everyone that walks by and also get very enthusiastic about barking dogs.

You love your Teddy, playing with your (clean) diapers, and reading. You eat a wide variety of foods now along with nursing voraciously as usual. Your favorites are avocado, strawberries, clementines and pasta with tomato sauce! Pictures of Papa cause you to grin and exclaim, "Papapapa!" I can see that you miss him so much when he is away. Your newest favorite outdoor activity is being handed my keys, and running over to where the mailboxes are. You lift your arms to be picked up and jingle the keys, say "muh!" for mail and pull out whatever is inside.

You are interested in everything and love life so well. You are determined, strong and so very spirited.

You are so intense and focused in everything you do.

The moments when you turn from your adventures and see me looking at you, you raise your arms and open your mouth wide with a squeal of glee and run back into my arms... those are the best. I marvel at your perfect joy.

I love you. You can always run back to me.

a look back v.4

2011-11-09T21:29:00.000-05:00

My little Womb-Baby at 2 weeks old.

meow meow!

2011-11-07T11:57:00.000-05:00

It's very rare that I can capture a good image of our kitty. He's camera shy and too quick!
I think I was successful today, though!

Sunlit bath time.

This is his Love Muffin expression.

papa.

2011-11-06T18:19:00.000-05:00

This video will steal your heart.

Today we were cuddling on the couch and I said, "Mama loves you!"

Iris immediately got down, ran into the kitchen and pointed at this picture to say, "Papa!"

Yes, I totally burst out crying and had to get it on video...

My Love, your daughter loves you so much!

her serene confidence.

2011-11-05T21:34:00.000-04:00

beautiful afternoon at the park.

2011-11-03T21:50:00.002-04:00

Today, Iris and I met up with four of our very good friends. We had a delicious lunch of BLT sandwiches and pasta salad, then walked around the block to a really nice little park. The kids had a wonderful time; no grumpiness and all adventure!

I spent more time taking pictures of everyone than I did playing with Iris, but she hardly seemed to mind! My little girl is so confident to hit the road without me. I love watching her follow her own little heart, even if it's just around the playground. Such fearless joy is visible in our children. It radiates from their being.

I hope they carry that freedom to live, within themselves, for all the days of their lives.

two new videos.

2011-11-03T20:52:00.001-04:00

I took these two videos in the last few days mostly for Marius' benefit, since he can't be here to see the different stages of Iris' learning. Babies pack a lot of learning in between 11 and 13 months!! In the first video I was finally able to catch her baa-ing and neighing. I know it's going to be hard, but please try to ignore how many times I ask her "what does a sheep say?! what does a horse say?!" I don't usually sound so crazy and repetitive... really, I promise... yup.

And here she is, walking along again! I've posted a few similar ones in the past, but I wanted to be able to show Marius the progression of her steadiness and independence. Now, she doesn't usually want to hold my hand much and god forbid if I try to help her up when she falls!

Hope you enjoyed!

a look back v.3

2011-11-01T09:54:00.000-04:00

Iris on Halloween, almost exactly one year ago.

♥

happy All Hallow's Eve.

2011-10-31T20:43:00.000-04:00

Photo of Marius and I taken in 2009

music monday.

2011-10-31T10:55:00.000-04:00

In honor of All Hallow's Eve, a small collection of devilish tunes!

speaking of my tendinitis...

2011-10-29T21:47:00.001-04:00

I did something really amazingly stupid this morning which ended in a true disaster (well, kind of). Marius and I have a heavy, wooden framed queen-sized bed. Against my better judgement, I decided to attempt to lift it on my own to pull out my winter clothes. Because, of course, I am too proud or stubborn to ask for help with something like that. This brilliant idea ended with no winter clothes. As I lifted the bed, I felt a disk slip in my lower back. It's always a shock to discover parts of your body you aren't quite aware exist in such a profound way until you manage to injure them. I was on the floor so fast - it was a sharp reminder that I am not 17 years old any more and am in terrible physical form in comparison.

I wasn't able to take Iris to her Halloween party today, for which I feel horrible. She would have had such a good time. If I hadn't done something so obviously stupid... anyway, I spent the entire day on the couch with an ice pack on my back. Poor Iris was rather confused as to why we weren't going for walks or playing. If I keep my back perfectly straight, the pain is very minimal. It's gotten much better since the initial injury this morning, but I am still very much out of commission in a way I've never quite experienced before.

So, not the kind of disaster that resulted in an ER visit (though it almost was, I was very close to going in but then discovered I could indeed still walk). Not the kind of disaster that calls for one of my family members to come stay with me to help care for Iris... but still bad to the point that I can't be or do anything remotely resembling my normal self. I can't bend over at all. I can't make much of any movement other than stiffly doddering around. Apparently, Ibuprofen is determined to become further acquainted with myself. I just hope there is no long term damage done.

wonderful autumn!

2011-10-28T16:54:00.001-04:00

Autumn is my most favorite time of year. There is something to savor about each season - flower buds peeking out from under the muddiness of spring rain; the salty, tanned skin of summer; the bright crispness of freshly fallen winter snow. But autumn somehow seems to roll all of my sweet excitement for life into a cozy woolen ball of delight.

Iris and I woke up around nine this morning, ate a breakfast of toast and coffee for me, and then headed outside for our morning walk. We stepped out and immediately, the cold breeze felt so freeing on my face. The grey sky seemed not bleak, but quiet and flat like a smooth stone against my fingers. Iris toddled around for a while, surprised at the harshness of the "ruh-ruh-ruh" cold before retreating to my legs and raising her arms to be picked up. There's something wonderful about feeling her tiny, cold hand in mine, and holding her close to my protective warmth.

I love dressing in cozy layers and pulling on a pair of boots. I love the complexity of mulled cider and the smell of homemade pumpkin bread baking in the oven. I love cuddling cold feet together under a blanket. I love watching the animals getting ready for the winter. I love curling up on the couch with my baby, and feeling her little hand pat my arm lovingly as we watch a movie. The kitty snuggled up to my feet just makes me so happy. Maybe it's the genetic drive to prepare, store and create a place of warm comfort which leads me into a deeper contemplation of myself every autumn. It certainly does explain the cozy, homemaking feelings!

Here is my fantastic little toddler, Iris - partially bundled up and very ready to go for our walk this morning!

Welcome to the south, Autumn!

the wrapping disaster.

2011-10-28T10:15:00.000-04:00

So, I know that I promised some videos of wrapping with our new Didymos at the end of the week... you know, about a week ago. Oops! To be honest, I actually did try to take a video of doing a ruck carry with Iris but it did not end well. Not because the video was bad, but because I'm still hurting from it! It's looking like I may have to resell our beautiful wrap.

Love this fabric and it's so cozy for winter.

The issue is my tendinitis, which I developed a couple of years ago as a results of a very poor diet and not taking care of myself - at least, this is what I suspect. The activity and motion it takes to wrap a piece of fabric over four meters long around myself and a baby who's balanced on my back is more than enough to aggravate my left shoulder, which is the worst. Almost a week later and I can still barely move my arm in the morning. I get pain shooting down my arm and have to take a good 800mg of ibuprofen to be able to function almost normally! It's so frustrating to have this kind of issue at 24 years old. So - take care of yourself now, people! You are not immune!

I haven't decided whether to keep the wrap. But we can only use the two most basic front carries and that's a lot of money (140 big ones, in fact) for very little versatility. But good god is it gorgeous! I don't want to give it up! Should I keep it and use it however we can, or should I sell it and get a mei tai or even start the tattoo fund I've been meaning to get around to? Decisions, decisions... I wanted this to work out so badly but it just hurts me way too much! RIP ruck carry!

Iris nursing in the wrap... and my toothbrush says hello!

this is how I am real.

2011-10-27T21:47:00.003-04:00

I do my best to keep this blog positive. The downside to this is that some may consider this one-sided, always-happy story to be "not real". I feel that I can sometimes come across as a perfectly pulled together mother, potentially even as a "tiger mom". I talk a lot about how cute Iris is, about all the things she is learning, and I post a lot of pictures. I never talk about my frustrations with being a parent. I never talk about my self-doubts or about my own childhood. I never talk about our bad days.

This is partially because I don't want anyone to read this blog and think that I am complaining about my daughter, or whining about my life as a stay at home mom. I don't want to come off as selfish or as though I'm heading for parental martyrdom. I fear that writing about my bad days and my negative feelings may be loathsome or hurtful to read, not only for you but for Iris when she reads this one day. I read some mother's blogs and feel that they do these things. I've even had to stop reading a few blogs that I once loved because they became so profoundly negative and almost hateful towards their children through their writing. I never want to be that. I certainly allow myself my emotions - my anger, frustration, exasperation - but I don't feel the need to share that with the world.

A few days ago, I had a short spell of depression. I was missing Marius so much that it hurt. Iris was excessively high needs, cried all the time and wasn't sleeping. I felt completely overwhelmed with the fact that I am raising a child on my own, and that I am without a way to get around on my own (for those who don't know, I don't have a driver's license.) I hadn't been able talk to Marius much at all for the previous two weeks. I was so tired. I just wanted some time to myself. No child hanging off me screaming for milk, no house to clean, no nothing to do. I wanted to curl up into myself and hide away from my life. I cried for the first time since Marius left, almost two months ago.

I spoke to a friend and finally to Marius about it, venting my feelings a bit. Then, I cleaned the kitchen. As I cleaned, it dawned on me. These feelings were real, but they weren't accomplishing anything. They weren't bringing me to a place I wanted to be. Strong emotions, particularly anger, are often described as "consuming." What one must realize is that these emotions aren't who you are, as overwhelming as they may seem. I (the me that is not my emotions) have the power to choose my perspective at any given moment. I realized all over again, as I do shortly after being flooded by strong feelings, that I can choose to sink or swim. I can choose my own happiness or unhappiness.

I choose to hug my crying baby. I apologize to her for lacking empathy. I look down at my hands and am thankful to have them to hold her. I breathe. I enjoy the feel of my clothes against my skin; the soft whisper of the air against my face. I feel the beating of my heart. I choose to live in the moment. I choose to be grateful that I am alive. Then, I am unconcerned with the trying moments that life can bring because there is so much more to take pleasure in. I appreciate the dedication Marius has to his job, and I know that my patience will bring him back into my arms. I rejoice in the sound of Iris' cry; I know that years from now I will yearn for that tiny, weeping child to sweep up into my arms.

This is why my blog is a positive place. This lack of negativity is genuine. The downs of my life are cursory and insignificant in the face of the absolute excellence that is my existence. Why would I share such tiny pits of sadness when there is plenty of ripe fruit to savor? This is how I am real. I choose to fix this blog around the ever flourishing ups in my life. To those who consider such to be "not real," I wish the realization that they too could have such an experience of life, if they choose to.

first thing this morning...

2011-10-27T13:48:00.000-04:00

Target babies!

2011-10-26T22:52:00.000-04:00

Lena and I go to Target... very often.

Today she spotted this double carriage and we decided to experiment!

It was kind of like pushing a truck around, but the babies enjoyed it for a short time before becoming disgruntled and uncomfortable. So adorable while it lasted!

Jane is unconvinced.

Iris is demonstrating her royal-style wave to the camera.

Oh, my beautiful baby...

a look back v.2

2011-10-25T21:15:00.000-04:00

Iris snuggled up against Marius.
I just love her little open mouth. She still sleeps like that sometimes!
♥

so tired.

2011-10-24T13:09:00.001-04:00

I am so exhausted today I could just cry.
I stayed up late to talk to Marius last night, then Iris was up about 12 times.
I guess I've been spoiled lately with infrequent wakings; this should be a walk in the park for me!
Iris' fever was down to nothing this morning, so we went out for a short walk.
The fever has returned this afternoon, just above 101.
I'm really beginning to wonder how long this is going to last.
I am stumbling around the house in a fog; I couldn't even manage to properly peel boiled eggs for lunch!
And I have an eye twitch that won't go away... so annoying!
Anyway, here are some pictures from our walk this morning.

The hat she's wearing in the pictures was knitted by the wife of one of Marius' friends. Just adorable!
Iris' friend, Jane, is coming over today for a visit while her mom goes to an appointment,
so hopefully they keep each other entertained!!

music monday.

2011-10-24T10:48:00.001-04:00

Iris' most favorite song!

When I sing this to her she replies with a huge smile, "Paaaaaahya!"
Oh, my heart.

fever.

2011-10-23T14:02:00.001-04:00

My baby girl still has a fever and isn't feeling quite herself.

She's otherwise healthy and happy, just sleepier than usual.

This is her favorite sling for cuddles.

Maybe this will help...

Is this how to take my temperature, Mama?

I hope my baby feels better soon.

a warm head and a pink coat.

2011-10-21T20:36:00.001-04:00

It's 8 o'clock at night and I am sitting alone on the couch. Iris fell asleep twenty minutes ago, almost an hour earlier than usual. My baby had a low grade fever of 101 all day, but we brought it down to 99.0 with a dose of Tylenol. I gave her some more before bed and may have to give more throughout the night to be sure it doesn't spike while we are sleeping. Bed-sharing really pays off at times like these; I will be by her side all night long in case she needs me.

I think the cause of the fever is teething. She has always taken the process and pain of teething very hard, since she got her first tooth at five months old. She had a low grade fever last weekend too, so it's not completely out of the blue. I'm glad I decided to buy some Tylenol then, or I wouldn't have any in the house. She is acting completely normal otherwise, maybe a bit sleepy compared to her usually vibrant state. She ate plenty of fruit, avocado, cheese and drank plenty of milk today. I'm not concerned and we will be going to the pumpkin patch tomorrow, as planned, unless something changes. I'll just be sure to wear her in the wrap most of the time and ensure she takes it easy. Like today, we spent most of our time cuddling in bed or lounging on the couch watching movies - whereas usually we would be outside at the playground or running around.

We did go out early for a short walk this morning, though. It was in the 40s - cold enough for Iris to need a real coat and hat to go outside! I had to get a video because she just looked so darn cute!

Near the end when I say, "you want to fly?" means that I grab her hands and swing her over the step and over to the next block of sidewalk. If you watch again, at the end she looks up at me and bounces with her knees a little bit, asking me to fly - too cute! She adores it and much of our "walking outside" now consists of her leading me back to the step, trying to get me to swing her into the air!
Hope my baby is feeling better tomorrow for her big day picking out pumpkins with her friends!

new dexterity.

2011-10-20T14:02:00.000-04:00

links I love.

2011-10-20T10:10:00.000-04:00

Yesterday morning, I tried cake in a cup for the first time. Coffee cake in a cup, to be exact. It literally took about 5 minutes to make and has all "real" ingredients! Iris took a few bites of it too. It will definitely be a regular breakfast in this home from now on!

I bought these cat treats for the Kitty a few weeks ago at Trader Joe's. He loves them so much more than the typical brands you can buy at the supermarket. They actually smell like fish food, which is weird. I find myself treating him a lot more often now that Marius is away and he's lonely and feeling a little bit neglected.

Kitty sad, even though I was playing with him at the time.

I'll be starting to work on our PCS (which stands for Permanant Change of Station) soon, as we will be leaving for Germany early next year. Many things need to be organized and prepared for our overseas move and I'd rather not be doing it all last minute. This blog has some great suggestions about the things which can be taken care of early on.

My friend Lena and I made this Ancho Pork and Hominy Stew last week. It was sooo good. I recommend it with some toasty bread for a cozy autumn meal. We just used normal chili powder instead of the ancho type, both because we couldn't find it and thought it might make it too spicy for our babies.

I think I'm going to buy these boots in black. My other pairs of boots are very worn and falling apart at this point, though I do wonder if I can get them fixed as it's mostly issues with the soles. Anyway, the price is right on these and they look nice... but these zippered boots are lovely and these red suede boots are brilliant...

I ordered this book for Iris last night. She already has a few books by this author, Karen Katz, and she loves every one of them. I plan on collecting all of them because she gets that excited about the illustrations, especially the 'lift-the-flap' books. She already has this Halloween book and loves it.

Nap time in Mama's arms.

A lot of my older sweaters have little holes in them. No idea how it keeps happening, but I suspect it's my rings catching on them. I found this great tutorial recently on darning. New project!

If you're looking for a good laugh, go here. You won't regret it, assuming you have a sense of humor!

Autumn is starting to make an appearance here in NC! This weekend, Iris and I are going to a local pumpkin patch with a few friends! Iris is going to love running around, and it's supposed to be a perfect 60ish degrees. Definitely looking forward to that; I'll be taking lots of pictures of Iris and her little friends!

autumn sensory bin.

2011-10-18T11:36:00.000-04:00

Dry oatmeal, an avocado seed, and a collection of dried leaves and seeds.

It was really quite aesthetically appealing...

First, dump it all out.

"Whaaat is this stuff Mama!?"

"I don't know about this..."

"I guess the bin seems pretty harmless..."

Tentatively poking at everything.

Deciding on the twig and the avocado seed.

Exploring texture.

"You want me to play with that stuff? Fuggedaboutit!"

Found her teddy bear!

Giving him a big hug.

"Mr. Bear is going to help me!"

"Mr. Bear, you sit next to me, right here."

"Now help me spread this stuff everywhere!"

All done!

a look back v.1

2011-10-18T10:10:00.000-04:00

My sweet baby at a few weeks old.

She always looked so cozy and comfy in that rocker.

I love how it looks like she's flying.

Here she is in the same chair and position... one year later.

12 month old nursling.

2011-10-17T22:28:00.000-04:00

I love this picture so much.

my hemp indio.

2011-10-17T22:07:00.000-04:00

This is my Didymos woven wrap, bought used from a lovely mama on the The Babywearer.

Didymos brand wraps are hand loomed in Germany.

There is a multitude of colors, weaves, fabrics and patterns available - mine is an Antracite Hemp Indio!

The fabric is 50% hemp and 50% cotton with a gorgeous black and white weave.

It's a size 5, which means this baby is over 4 meters long!

I can already tell how wonderfully comfortable and durable this wrap is going to be long term!

I've definitely fallen in love with its versatility and how cushy and supportive it is.

I'll be posting a video soon about how to do different types of wrapping with it - both with Iris on my front and on my back. Should be entertaining for all!

guest post on the teeny tiny mommy!

2011-10-17T13:06:00.000-04:00

I'm being featured by my friend Kelly today as a guest poster on her blog, The Teeny Tiny Mommy!

I talk about the ways I teach Iris new words and concepts,

so go check it out here!

music monday.

2011-10-17T12:07:00.001-04:00

sleepy baby bath time.

2011-10-16T11:23:00.000-04:00

a day in the life of Iris.

2011-10-15T08:00:00.000-04:00

Whole grain blueberry waffle with butter, syrup for dipping, and strawberries.

Playing and learning about animals and colors.

Munster cheese, whole grain crackers with flax seeds, and fruit.

Playground adventures.

Walking (levitating?) home.

Graham cracker bunnies.

Playing peek-a-boo after a dinner of polenta with tomatoes and broccoli.

Bath time for this baby.

Jammies, stories and nursing to sleep.

I will not be shamed.

2011-10-14T12:29:00.000-04:00

"Isn't she old enough now that you need to stop breastfeeding?"

"You don't want be to be breastfeeding now, it's time to wean."

I've been waiting for those comments for a whole year now. I've heard so many horror stories from women who have been publicly shamed and humiliated by perfect strangers for feeding their babies - I was just waiting for the hammer to fall. I've actually been surprised at how supportive most people have been of my breastfeeding Iris. I've never gotten any dirty looks in public and I've never been told to go feed her in the bathroom (if anyone ever had I was fully prepared to tell them to go eat in the bathroom and see how they like it). I'm not sure why I've never experienced it - possibly because I am very confident as a person and in my rights to feed my child where and whenever I damn well please. Maybe breastfeeding is more normalized where I live - I'm not sure.

I haven't been particularly outspoken about breastfeeding, I just do it. I've breastfed in my friend's homes, at restaurants, at the craft store, the supermarket, walking down the street, at a public pool and just about everywhere else. I've actually gotten a few positive comments over the last year, mostly from children who say "do some babies eat like that?" or they simply smile at me as though they intuitively recognize the nurturing that nursing provides. Many women have smiled at me too with silent approval of my confidence. Men have smiled at me as well, and not just because my breast is partially exposed. Every conversation I've had with friends and strangers has been positive and reinforcing of the phrase "breast is best."

Now that Iris is over one year old, walking and looking like real kid and not a baby anymore... well, I am waiting for the hammer to fall and perhaps even hit repeatedly. I know I have made people uncomfortable in the past and that's fine - they can avert their eyes politely. If they give me a dirty look, I will smile at them. If they have something inappropriate to say about it, I will share the facts with them.

This is what breasts are for. I am not just a sex object. My daughter will not be traumatized by it. My milk is still just as nourishing as it was on the day Iris was born. It does not turn to water; it does not go bad. It does still give her nutrients, comfort and even protects her from illness. The wonderful benefits of breastfeeding continue well past 6 months or a year. I plan to breastfeed Iris as long as she and I are both happy with it; until she self-weans or until I decide I no longer wish to.

If you don't like it, please politely avert your eyes and keep your opinions to yourself,
just as you would in any other situation.

I will not be shamed.

I will be strong for those who are ridiculed for feeding their babies.

I am and will be a part of normalizing breastfeeding for this culture and society!

babywearing week.

2011-10-13T17:35:00.002-04:00

This week is International Babywearing week! While I'm not usually a fan of these "theme" things (I don't care that it's National Sandwich Day or International Llama Week), I think Babywearing deserves to be publicized. Sure, sandwiches and llamas are nice, but babywearing encourages some wonderful benefits to both baby and mother.

Babywearing has been around for many thousands of years. Only recently have products such as the Ergobaby or Boba come into being - having belts and buckles, hoods and adjustments. For a long time, babywearing solely consisted of wrapping a baby against your body with a piece of fabric. And it still does! Cultures around the world use woven wraps to carry their babies - in fact, my first one just came in the mail today!

Studies show that babies who are worn cry less. It promotes physical development, as baby is in tune with the mother's natural rhythms of breathing, heartbeat and motion just as they were in the womb. Premature babies who are held often will gain weight and develop faster than those who are not. Wearing babies also allows them more time in the 'quiet-alert' state of observing the world around them freely, but with the safety of the parent to return to if overstimulated. This is why many die-hard babywearers such as myself wear our babies facing in towards us, so they may watch the world go by but retreat to their safe place if frightened or overwhelmed.

A baby carrier, wrap, pouch or sling are very safe places for baby to be, provided you educate yourself as to how to use whichever one you choose properly. I expect at some point people will begin gawking and asking why I will be carrying my toddler who's getting so big. Well, Iris won't be able to run into the street while she's wrapped against me, for one thing! Now that she's walking I experimented with taking her to Target the other day without a carrier. I alternated between letting her walk and carrying her on my hip, just to see how it would go. I ended up having to diffuse about eight tantrums over the toys she wanted to play with, books she wanted to take home, and old gum stuck to the ground which is apparently the most amazing thing ever. When she's in the carrier, tantrums don't ever even present themselves! I also just truly love cuddling with my baby, no matter how much she weighs!

It's also so convenient, especially with newborns. Strap them on and you have both hands free to do your chores, type your paper or go grocery shopping. It's also easy to breastfeed discreetly after a bit of practice. Other family members can also wear your baby and if you're breastfeeding, it's a great way for them to bond with your baby.

I would recommend that everyone wear their babies or toddlers! It's easy, convenient, safe, beneficial and you get to cuddle with a squishy bundle of joy! What more could you ask for!

Newborn Iris in the Ergobaby carrier.
http://babywearinginternational.org/pages/babywearingweek.php

from cradle to bed.

2011-10-12T22:18:00.000-04:00

When I saw this bed online almost a year ago I thought to myself, "good god Ikea, you are truly genius. This would have been my dream bed as a child and I hope that you still sell it when Iris is old enough to sleep in it!"

I drooled over it for a few weeks, imagining curling up in the reading nook reading Harry Potter as a thirteen year old. I pretended I was five again and that I was laying on my back in the top bunk staring up at my starry fort, counting the stars. Little did I know at the time that Iris would be sleeping there sooner rather than later, as you may have been able to tell from recent pictures.

Before Iris was born, my mother took me out and bought us the most gorgeous old-style crib in dark espresso. It had detail reminiscent of some of the antiques I had grown up with and I fell in love with it. Iris had other ideas, however. She slept by my choice next to my side of the bed in our room in her rocker for around eight months until she outgrew it and decided to try moving her into her own room. I took the crib mattress into our bedroom to make the transition easier on her. I played with her in the crib during the day, but she refused to nap there or even let me out of her sight without screaming. We tried moving her into the crib to sleep a few weeks later and it was the most miserable experience of parenting I've had. I stood over that crib for hours and hours - rocking, singing, shushing, patting, and nursing. But I could not put her down in the crib without her immediately waking up crying.

I tried this a few times before I decided that it was not worth it. I do not believe that it's okay to leave your child to cry, for any period of time. I believe that teaches learned helplessness and is not in any way loving. Iris is going to be our only child and I don't want to waste the precious moments of her infancy struggling, crying and screaming over something that can be avoided all together. Iris' entire bedroom was already completely childproof and safe for her to be unsupervised. Why did she need to be in what is fundamentally a cage?

So, we decided to sell the crib to someone who really needed it and could use it.

We used the money to fund Iris' big girl bed - the Kura bed.

And let me tell you, it's one of the best things we've ever done for her.

She LOVES her bed.

She can get on...

She can get off...

And she has never once fallen out.
She goes right to sleep on it and will sleep for a few hours before waking to nurse.
She is so proud of herself for being able to get on and off, especially now that she's walking.

I sleep with her when she wakes up often and it's easy to calm her and get her right back to sleep. When she wakes up in the morning, she pulls her books up onto the bed for me to read to her and plays with my hair. She climbs all over me and gives my tummy kisses. She grins and plays peek a boo with me near the ladder to the top bunk, where she will sleep when she's old enough. The kitty has his own little cave in there for now.

While I'm sad that we couldn't use the crib, I am so grateful for my parents' inadvertent funding of this amazing bed. Iris is such an independent spirit. The freedom this bed gives her suits her so well and makes her so happy. When she wakes from a nap, sometimes I don't even know it until I hear the ding-ding of her xylophone or her squeals of glee as she discovers the kitty within reach. A floor bed like this is a way of allowing her to exercise her power of choice, and it's easy to see that she revels in it.

I look forward to one day watching her count the stars on the canopy, design amazing fortresses and pretend she's at the helm of a great, steadfast ship.

Sweet dreams, my baby.

first birthdays.

2011-10-10T22:05:00.004-04:00

A little over a year ago, I met Lena. We were both getting to the point of becoming extremely large-stomached women. Large with babies of course. Our due dates were around the same time but Lena was convinced that I was going to have mine first - I'd been having braxton hicks for weeks and she hadn't felt a thing!

Fast forward a couple of weeks, a few friends had come to the hospital to goggle my brand new baby Iris. As they left, they mentioned they were going to go see Lena. Yes! We had our babies on the exact same amazing day of 10-10-10! Quite the coincidence! Our daughters, Iris and Jane, met each other on their first day of life and have been enjoying play dates ever since. I'm so thankful to have met Lena that year, she has proven to be a truly wonderful friend.

She and Jane came over today to celebrate their first birthday! We made baked brie and pork and hominy stew which was magically delicious. The girls played, slept and of course opened a few presents. Even though our husbands are far away, we made the best of it and enjoyed ourselves. I will be sad when our family moves away from theirs next year, but hopefully we run into each other again in the future!

Lena and Jane.

Using the rocker for balance.

Sweet Jane.

Playing with stacking cups.

Inspecting the presents.

What are these things?

Look Iris, there's something inside!

A book!

Matching books, just like matching birthdays!

Birthday girls.

Look, a baby!

Such a happy baby!

Opening presents is very serious business.

700 stickers. Somehow I think mama is going to regret this...

Hey, did you take my book?

It's okay, your head is sooo soft - I love you!

one year old.

2011-10-10T08:03:00.001-04:00

On this day one year ago, around 1am in the morning, I gave birth to my sweet little baby.

It's hard to believe how fast this first year has gone by and I'm sure time won't slow.

Happy birthday, sweet baby.

Thank you for choosing me to be your Mama.

I will love you for always and forever.
♥

new shoes.

2011-10-09T21:28:00.000-04:00

Hello there, my little blog has gotten a makeover! Sort of a starting fresh thing. Now I will be able to post larger photos and everything should look less cluttered around the center of the page. I've been able to talk to Marius almost every day he's been away, so rather than posting updates about Iris here, I've been sharing with him in person (as in person as the internet gets, anyway). I must get this blog up and running again! I was inspired today by a member of Marius' family asking me about baby carriers, so I have all sorts of new posts in mind. I'd really like to bring more balance to what I write (or post pictures) about, in terms of my thoughts on parenting. Not just write what Iris has been up to, but more about my life and ideas as well.

My sweet friend Kelly over at The Teeny Tiny Mommy, recently emailed me asking if I'd like to do a guest post for her! So that will be coming up this week, for one thing! I want to maybe do some tutorials on baby wearing and using baby carriers as well. Not long ago, I emailed Marius with excitement over the fact that I made myself say "no" to buying a woven wrap for myself and Iris. Well... that wrap sat there, mostly ignored, on the baby-wearing forums for a while before I decided the price was right and I was going to go for it! I've been wanting to try one for a long time and I'm so excited for it to arrive at the end of the week! I definitely want to document my learning experience with the wrap!

We went out for a walk this evening and Iris proved what a difference a week of practice can make! Wearing her new boots which I thought were too big but seem to be perfect, she really went for it today. Go baby!

our cool, sunny morning.

2011-10-04T10:26:00.000-04:00

a love of learning.

2011-10-03T14:22:00.002-04:00

The terrible sleeping has resolved itself for the most part and the clingy crying has dwindled. However, the non-stop learning is still going strong! Iris has learned how to pass a ball back and forth with me, which is a great problem solving activity as she learns which way to move her arms to push the ball directly to me (she's surprisingly accurate, too.)

Her books, which are her greatest love, are becoming worn and bent from the frequency with which she reads them. She points out the things she finds interesting so that I can name what they are and also becomes very insistent that I read certain pages over and over again. She plays her xylophone often and likes to take turns with me. I've noticed that after I play a few songs on it, she gets very frustrated that she doesn't have the motor skills to play the same way. She tends to throw the mallet and get upset, but I tell her it's okay to be frustrated and she just needs to practice, which usually calms her down. I'm really amazed at her ability to understand me lately.

She has developed a new love for stuffed animals, particularly a soft teddy bear. She hugs and kisses the bear. When I initiate pretend play and ask if the bear might be hungry, she pushes him into my chest for 'memems'. She knows the names of almost all objects in the house that she interacts with. If I ask her to get me a wooden block, she does so. She knows what 'another' wooden block means. If I tell her the object is in the bedroom, she wanders off to find it and bring it back to me. She knows that 'dirty' means 'don't touch'. She knows to comb her hair with both a hairbrush and a comb.

I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting to write down. Oh, yes! I recently taught her how to blow her nose! We're still working on the using a tissue part though! I have the feeling that from now on, every day will be a learning experience for her. Even as I wrote this post, I had to change her diaper and she said 'poop'! Now that she is able to demonstrate what she's learning, I will be doing more educational and stimulating projects with her during the day such as sensory bins! I wish Marius could be here to see all of this new learning and growing.

music monday.

2011-10-03T08:00:00.000-04:00

I've started a tradition of pulling this song of our huge music collection

every year when the weather gets chilly.

This song always reminds me of my first autumn with Marius here in NC.

The rest of this Opeth album, Blackwater Park, is great too.

Opeth has consistently incorporated progressive,folk, blues, classical and jazz influences into their usually lengthy compositions. Many songs include acoustic guitar passages and strong dynamicshifts, as well as both death growls and clean vocals.

walking baby!

2011-10-02T19:19:00.003-04:00

Today was gorgeous, so we decided to walk to the little playground down the road. Iris put her shoes on for the very first time and walked all the way down and all the way back. While we explored the outdoors, she got dirt under her finger nails, chewed some mulch chips, put bits of grass in her hair and even found a kitty on the slide. We'll definitely be doing this daily, now that it's cooled down outside!

Papa is hilarious!

2011-10-01T15:30:00.000-04:00

my toddler.

2011-09-29T20:41:00.001-04:00

Not long after writing Iris' 11.5 month update, she decided to have a huge growth spurt! During these times, she nurses constantly, wants to be on me all the time and sleeps very little. It's always a bit rough on both of us but this time seems to have been the most difficult so far. The night before last, I got around 3 hours of sleep, I am beyond sore from excessive nursing, Iris has been crying a lot and hanging on me so I can't do anything without her (or I listen to her scream and cry after putting her down). Today has been much better.

On the other hand, it's been awesome to watch her beginning to do a whole bunch of new things all at once! Two days ago, I was talking to a friend and mentioned how much better Iris' balance had gotten. I said, "I think she'll be walking soon!" No less than two minutes later, Iris took her very first 3 steps all by herself!

I was dumbfounded and totally in shock. I thought it would be at least another month! But when she has a growth spurt, she has a growth spurt. Since then she has also learned where her nose is and grabs it when I ask. She knows the words 'lion' and 'tiger', can recognize them and knows that they are big kitties! She knows what 'high-five' means and will hold her little palm up with a smile. She knows what 'open' and 'closed' are and will open and close cupboards when I ask her to. She has started saying 'boo!' while playing peekaboo with me! She can also take up to nine whole steps in a row!

Oh, my baby has gotten so big she's not even a baby anymore. She is a toddler! She has all the spunk, personality and independence of a toddler. She is so strong and beautiful and bold. Every day is a new adventure.

I love you, my sweet bunny.

ice cream at the folk festival!

2011-09-25T21:07:00.000-04:00

photos credited to my friend L.M.

Iris' first birthday - one month early

2011-09-25T08:00:00.002-04:00

Iris' first birthday was celebrated one month early on September 10. I wanted Marius to be there for her birthday, even if he can't be here for the actual date. We invited as many close friends as could fit comfortably in our little apartment, opened presents, ate delicious food and played with lots of babies. Iris enjoyed playing with her friends but was a bit confounded by her first cupcake. She got lots of help opening presents from her friend Izzy! My baby was very tired by the end of her party, but had a good time nonetheless and so did the adults!

I spent many long hours making all the decorations for her "Goodnight Moon" theme. Most of the time went into the huge (5' by 6' or so) mural we hung in the kitchen - a scene I painted from the book! My good friend made the gorgeous bunny-in-bed cupcakes; she is so creative! Thank you to everyone who was a part of her birthday celebration!

spot the baby.

2011-09-24T20:42:00.001-04:00

photo credited to Marius

times they are a-changin'...

2011-09-24T15:18:00.000-04:00

My love.

My love; my best friend; my husband has deployed to Iraq.

He left on Tuesday for six months.

We are all doing alright, but life is very different.

Iris with her Papa's American Flag hat, which they both love so well.

Before he left, we celebrated Iris' early birthday party.
We spent lots of time together as a family and I hardly spent any time online.
We prepared physically and emotionally for his departure.

We also received orders to Germany!
We've both been to Europe already and have been hoping for this for years.
We'll be moving there when he gets home in the spring.

It's been pretty lonely around here without him, but we have friends here who have made the transition so much easier. Iris has had a few play dates already, and we've gone out to lunch a few times and to Trader Joe's and Hobby Lobby. I spent about 12 hours hand sewing a stuffed kitty for Iris. I'm going to keep busy with crafts, learning German, getting our things ready for moving to Europe and of course, raising the cutest little baby in the world. I'm so grateful that we have the internet and phones to be able to stay in touch with Marius. When I'm feeling sad, I just think about how not long ago he would have gone off to war and I'd have heard nothing from him for years, save a couple of letters. It really puts things into perspective and makes me realize how lucky we are to have this technology. I miss him, but we are still together no matter how far apart.

This is no longer only my personal blog to write about Iris and my life, but Marius' way of watching his baby girl grow up for the next six months. Our family; our love is strong, and so we shall remain.

eleven and a half months

2011-09-24T14:01:00.002-04:00

Iris has made huge progress with eating in the last few days. She now eats nectarines, tortellini with tomato sauce, herbed harvati cheese, whole wheat crackers, hummus, ice cream, and baby carrots! I knew she would start eating when she was ready to, not when anyone else wanted her to. For right now, she likes me to hold her while we eat together and she sticks out her little tongue for me to place a bit of food there. The whole process can take up to an hour, which hurts my arm but is so worth it to see her enjoying it!

Iris has also made some pretty big leaps in terms of intellect. She recognizes cats with no prompting, either in books, printed on clothing and most recently the kitty I made for her out of felt. She knows the colors red and blue (at least when we're playing with colored links in the bath). She can put a cylindrical shaped block into the circle hole on her shape sorter and brings books over to me to read. Iris also loves to hold objects out to people and 'show' them what she has. She likes when we name what the object is and will also share.

Much to our surprise, Iris recently started calling her Dada... Papa! She says "Papapapa!" and loves him so very much. When I hand her a comb and ask, "what do you do with a comb?" she combs her hair and then tries to comb mine! She also mostly grasps the difference between a hair brush, paint brush and tooth brush. She knows what "excuse me" means, moving out of the way a bit before I even need to show her why. I expect she understands about a fourth of what I say now and surprises me daily with her comprehension. Yesterday, I asked her if she wanted to feed her stuffed kitty some "memems" (milk) and she pushed the kitty at my chest with a delighted squeal.

She constantly points to things she finds interesting! She has pointed to me and said "mama!" She has pointed to a picture of her Papa and said "papa!" When she's in the mood, she also says "meme", "kitty" and "meow!" She has 8 teeth and I assume more are coming considering how much she still wakes up crying at night. She is standing on her own now and walks while holding only one of my hands. She'd rather walk than crawl these days! She's definitely giving the Kitty some good exercise! She also starts clapping when I tell her it's bath time and will spend a good half an hour splashing around. She is also in love with the dish washer and enjoys helping me with laundry.

Almost a year old... oh, where did the time go?

introducing my new super sweet lens!

2011-09-01T08:24:00.000-04:00

My 24th birthday was this past Monday! Marius got wonderful presents for me, as usual! This year, it was a professional tripod, a 50mm lens for my camera and a couple other accessories including HDR software! The 50mm is completely different from what I'm used to - I love it! Read about it here.

Here is my favorite photo I've taken with it so far.

Welcome, 50mm! We are going to get along great!

a cupboard for a baby.

2011-08-31T15:02:00.001-04:00

love.

2011-08-28T21:59:00.000-04:00

eyes and pearly whites surprise.

2011-08-25T14:32:00.000-04:00

a cat-baby.

2011-08-25T10:49:00.000-04:00

It's late morning.

Iris is napping.

I am feeling somewhat naked without a baby attached to me.

The kitty is being obnoxious and wanting my attention,

so...

I used to dress up my parent's cats in doll clothes when I was little.

Obviously, not much has changed.

He purred a lot.

And stayed put without so much as a wiggle for a good 10 minutes.

I also seem to have very large dimples.

I hope you have enjoyed seeing me in all of my morning glory.

You may potentially be questioning my status as a functioning adult.

And I don't blame you!

busy mama pt.2!

2011-08-24T15:39:00.000-04:00

Busy mama part 2... how many more sequels will there be??

I have little to no time or energy to be posting on my dear blog lately. I am babysitting a one-year-old little boy for a friend in the afternoons, trying to keep the house clean and orderly, cooking, taking care of a very needy little baby girl, trying to devote time to my husband and squeezing in crafts for Iris' party. It really doesn't seem like that much when I write it down, but it's hard when everything involves Iris hanging on my legs, whining. I'm sure she's about to have a huge growth spurt because she is nursing fiendishly every 30 minutes. Her teeth are also coming in steadily and slowly, which doesn't help. I confess, I am very worn out from it.

I am so tired today. Both babies were exhausted and grumpy all afternoon and I haven't even gotten the chance to eat lunch. I enjoyed playing with them a lot, but how do you get kids to take a nap without constantly disturbing each other?? In other news, Iris finally chewed and choked down her first Cheerio - without throwing it up! Her gag reflex has gotten really sensitive to the point of gagging even before food gets in her mouth. We are taking her in for an evaluation next week to see if the nutritionist can give us any help with teaching her how to eat. She is perfectly healthy and happy otherwise - she is obviously thriving on my milk, but we need to advance our role in helping her learn that food isn't the enemy.

Other than being really busy, things are really great around here as usual. My birthday is in less than a week - I'll be 24 years old! To be honest, I almost forgot my birthday completely. I know Marius has something special planned, as he always does. All I know is I've been warned not to look at our shared amazon account! Hopefully I will be back to posting more regularly soon!

(Also, if anyone is interested - I have 5 BumGenius for sale in EUC!

Waiting on a shipment of new Fuzzibunz which I am all too excited about!)